Triggered

It’s the Christmas season, and although it should be filled with love and laughter, it is full of turmoil, pain, or loss for many.

Some of us have been wounded by a close friend or coworker. Some are suffering the loss of a loved one, while others nurse the wounds family members have bestowed upon them out of anger or misunderstanding. But no matter the pain, it can happen in any season, causing strife, division, and unforgiveness.

So what do we do when the strife is knocking at our door? When hurt creates burning anger and resentment? Do you fight back, plea your case? Do you seek revenge and clear your name?

Today a friend asked how I was doing after the recent loss of my father.  I was instantly triggered playing over the family drama that recently occurred. A flood of emotions hit me from rage to sorrow as I explained how my immediate family was being wrongfully attacked, and I stayed silent, watching while the wounds continued to cut deeper.

She simply looked at me and said

“No, don’t go there. When situations make me want to lose my mind, I remember this; confidence is quiet insecurities are loud. You’re confident in this situation and don’t need to be loud, making drama, so all eyes are on you trying to prove your position. So let them be loud.”

Just like that, I was reminded of something I read this morning in my bible.   

2 Samuel 16, Shimiei (connected by family to former King Saul) came out swearing, name dropping, and throwing stones upon King David’s arrival to Bahurim. The bible says he was not alone in this action, but he had men on the right and left of him standing in agreement. This man and his crew were angry, felt their actions were justified and were not worried about consequences.

King David, on the other hand, handled it very differently. He had all the power to kill the man for such acts.  One of his men asked David’s permission to do just that. He was ready to vindicate the king from the harm this person was causing.  However, David’s response was much different.

But the king said, “…Let him alone and let him curse; for so the Lord has ordered him. It may be that the Lord will look upon my afflictions, and the Lord will repay me with good for his cursing this day.”  – 2 Sam 16:11b, and they continued their way.

David was a King.  He was in a position of power and influence; all he had to do was say the word, and Shimiei would have paid for his actions. But that’s not what happened. David did not use his power to prove or clear his name.  He did not engage in a fight or try to prove a point. Instead, he made his position clear and was confident in his decision.  His confidence was not in himself but in the God that goes before him.  That is why he told his men to stand down. They did not have to fight this fight.  God would turn this cursing into his blessing.

My friend was right confidence is silent, and insecurities are loud.  However, I would take it further and say humility is quiet.  Humility is confidence in who you are and who goes before you.  It’s not weakness but meekness.  It is strength given to you by God to trust him in the fire and have the confidence you will walk out whole.  Insecurities cause people to be irrational and make hasty decisions they later must fix.  Insecurity attempts to prove worth by calling and demanding attention on oneself to gain a sense of value and validation from others.  Insecurities are always loud. 

We can choose to fight insecurities by remaining quiet and confident, taking the posture of humility, and knowing God will vindicate us for any wrongdoing. 

Choosing to take the road least traveled may not be a popular choice.  However, if you continue to choose “confidence” (humility) over insecurities (proving yourself) at the end of each journey, there will be peace and promise for you.