Very few new my struggles as I wore false confidence and arrogance on my sleeve making up for my insecurities.   

Fast forward to my college years then adult life four kids later I was bigger than I ever wanted or imagined I would be weighing in just under three hundred pounds. 

I hated myself.  Cried every night, the feeling of disgust was all consuming.  I hated what I looked like and that I allowed myself to become that way.

One night I made a vow with tears in my eyes staring at my then newborn I would make healthier changes in my life and learn to love myself. 

If I could not love myself as God created me how could I show love to others including my children.  Worse how could I show my children to love who God created them to be. 

That was the night my weight loss journey began.  After years of trying and failing I had weight loss surgery.  At first, I felt like a failure.  I had been hitting the gym and changed my eating habits for almost 2 years and still couldn’t do it myself.

The recovery was awful, and I regrated it.  In physical pain, weak, hungry, and mentally spent I wondered why I willingly did this to myself.  After 4 months of recovery, I returned to CrossFit.

I made a promise to myself and my children I would be the best form of myself as I could, and I meant it.   Weeks and months passed, and I pushed myself to very limit possible.  Always setting a new goal to shatter.  Why? Because I COULD!!  Today I love myself. Not because I am just about at my pre baby weigh of child one.  But because I learned to love myself thru the messy process and ugly areas of life.  Because sometimes we need help to reach our goals and that’s ok.  Our failures don’t define us.  Because I know I am beautiful even with all the stretch marks my children left behind.  I love myself because God created me strong, driven, and with purpose and he has done the same for you.

Don’t sell yourself short or define yourself by past failures. Don’t allow someone else’s Ideals to be the standard you measure your worth. Life is to short embrace who you were meant to be and love yourself threw the process.