One day while driving home, my youngest son John asks 

“Mom, when God doesn’t pay attention, is that when bad stuff happens?”

I take a quick peek in the review mirror and smile, saying, 

“Johnny, God is always paying attention. He knows all the bad stuff that is happening, but he does not control us.  He gives us the freedom to make our own choices so we can choose to love him on our own. When people make the wrong choices sometimes, it affects others, not just them. Other times things happen, and we won’t know why or understand.  We need to trust God is good and will work it out even if it’s scary or sad.”

Small silence “oh, I thought God got distracted or something.”

I let out a chuckle and said, “No, bud, humans get distracted but not God. Just remember to keep trusting him.”

It’s funny how kids process.   We are still in the middle of a pandemic, and although he is six years old, he is fully aware of the devastation and inconvenience this pandemic has made on the world. From sickness to isolation and inability to be in a school building or play with friends, he can only describe his frustration as God not paying attention.  After all, he sees God as a superhero, so why has he let all this happen?  The reality is that even at a young age, kids need to learn the importance of keeping their eyes on God. He is learning to trust him in every situation, even if he doesn’t understand it.  Teaching that to them is also a perfect reminder for us to walk it out. 

When I finally found the place, I was eager to serve again and jumped in with both feet.  Once again, serving on the media team, hospitality, kids ministry, and so much more.  There was not a Sunday that I was not busy at church.  I loved serving and being at the church and 

I wanted my kids to share in that passion, so I lead by example.  After a year or so, I was hired on staff and continued to juggle all the balls. 

“I can do this I will do this. I am working for God, what an honor.”  There was a fulfillment that only comes from knowing you are doing kingdom work, and nothing compares to that joy and satisfaction.

But soon, the honeymoon phase was over, and my slow fade started.  Within five years, the very thing I loved more than life was the same thing that was tearing apart my family and sent me spiraling down into a deep depression.

I was a prisoner to ministry serving man and no longer God.  Something had to change; I was functioning but miserable. 

I decided to step down from all ministry obligations and resigned from my job.  I went on hiatus for a full three years to find myself and discover God all over again. I needed to know where I went wrong and why he allowed my family to suffer at the hand of ministry. 

Here is what I discovered.

“Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the whole earth.

He never becomes faint or weary;

there is no limit to his understanding.

He gives strength to the faint

and strengthens the powerless.

Youths may become faint and weary,

and young men stumble and fall,

 but those who trust in the Lord

will renew their strength;

they will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not become weary,

they will walk and not faint.” ~Isaiah 40:28-31

The great revelation for me was “just because I can does not mean I should” I am not God.  I don’t have all the power and all the strength.  I will get weary if I am running myself into the ground trying to stay busy for God instead of serving when or where the Lord had placed me.  I wanted to prove so badly that I loved to help and was reliable that I forgot to love and serve my family in the process.  I stopped trusting in the Lord and started depending on my skill and strengths then wondered why I burnt out.

It was then I resolved to set boundaries and learn balance.  I never want to lose sight of the order of things again God, Family, Ministry.  We serve God thru ministry but should never sacrifice ourselves or our family on the altar of ministry.

I wish I had understood that back then.  Then maybe the warning signs that I was in danger of burnout would have been clear, saving my family and me many heartaches.

 Here is how it happened for me and in the exact order.

1. Drive: I am a very driven person; I like to get things done, and I want them done to an excellent standard.  If I saw a ball drop, by nature, I would pick it up and run with it, no questions.

2. Motivation: I wanted to serve God full time and do great things for the kingdom, not just be a “glorified secretary,” so I did everything that came my way to prove my worth in hopes of being able to switch positions. (not a good motive, and I did not even realize that until it was too late)

3. Drained: Coming to the office was a chore.  I felt utterly drained and could not wait to go home. The day had not even started.

4. Short Fuse: Being in ministry is a team sport.  Your part of a team and the whole team needs to be on the same page to function correctly.  I found myself getting critical with my teammates, annoyed with my leadership, and short with volunteers.

5. Apathetic: I turned off all emotion and felt nothing. I started going thru the motions to get things done and check the box but was numb to why I was serving or even working at the church.  Depression began to take over, and I refused to admit it.

6. Self-medicate: Food became my drug of choice. Eating my emotions, I gained almost 90lb’s, causing me to hate myself more.

7. No Rest: time off and vacations gave me no rest; it was like I never had time off.

8. Isolation: I started to withdraw from friends, leadership, and people.  I just wanted to be left alone “people sucked the life out of me.”

9. Resentful: Felt lack of appreciation and value; therefore, was resentful and critical of leadership and their decisions.  I was no longer running the race with them; I was slowing them down

10. DONE: I was 100% done.  Let go of everything and walked away in defeat and overwhelming depression.

If you fall in too more than one of those ten categories and find yourself fighting daily to do what you once felt called to or what brought you joy.

It’s time to take a step back.  Look in and ask yourself, WHY am I doing all I am doing. Can I release somethings? Is this my calling, or am I doing it because I can (skillset)?

Then instead of isolating, contact your pastor and have a sit-down.  Allow them to speak to your dry bones and help you reconnect with God during your business. Their job is to lead you.  Allow them to do that.

Then run to your father’s arms with complete trust and allow him to fill you up.

 ^“but those who trust in the Lord

will renew their strength;

they will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not become weary,

they will walk and not faint.” ~Isaiah 40:31

If you trust in God and his direction for your life, you may have seasons of exhaustion, but he WILL renew your strength. Don’t let Ministry Burnout take you out. Find the balance, set the boundaries, and remember your serving God, not man. God, family, ministry.