As a result of my pain, I swore I would never get divorced or have a broken home. I held on to the fantasy that you could have a happily ever after.  That marriage could be forever, and I would find out how. 

At age twenty, I became a single mother failing at the promise I made myself of not having a broken home but was thankful for God’s grace. During that season, I could see marriage from a very different perspective. I watched in awe of the banter and love I frequently saw between my ex-in-laws. I remember wondering, “what is the secret to such a successful marriage?” How were they so happy and in love. It made no sense to me.  They have six children, demanding jobs, and yet anytime I saw them, they showed an ungodly amount of love for each other.  

If they disagreed, there was a look and a tone given that usually ended them going somewhere private to work it out and come back like nothing ever happened. I thought marriage like that was a fairytale; however, I saw how real it was.  That was the type of marriage I wanted. And I wanted to know the secret. I am glad to say this inspiring couple is still happily married and as cute as ever after forty-four years.  I also learned the secret that kept their marriage and will continue to keep their marriage.

Ephesians 4:2-3 states:

 ^“with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”

Now I know this scripture is for unity in the church body.  But we can apply it in marriage as well. When you say, “I do,” It’s no longer about you but about serving and loving each other.  That means we need to show each other a level of humility, respect, patience, and of course, love. The same way God loves us.  Will we fail? Sure, we will have bad days.  We may lose our temper or not be so loving or respectful to our spouse.  However, this is where humility comes in.  We need to make it a priority to go to each other and forgive each other for shortcomings and work things out. A solid, successful marriage is built, tried, and tested. The building takes time and patience but, in the end, worth all the sacrifice.

A couple of summers ago, a friend of mine brought her kids over for a playdate.  We enjoyed the summer weather and caught up on life while watching the kids play outside.  Her girls being cheerleaders, needed to show off their skills, so after a short while, we hear: 

“titi, look at my cartwheel… I am learning how to do a back handspring too.” 

When the youngest of the girls, Jen, chimed in

 “titi, look at mine… I can do a round-off and almost a handstand,” and within just a few minutes, the sisters were in full cheer practice on my lawn.  Jen, the youngest, had not mastered the stability of a handstand, but the entire night she kept practicing even after we went inside.  Countless times we heard her slam to the floor, numerous times her mother said, “Jen enough, you’re going to get hurt,” But she refused to stop, and I refuse to give up believing in her.

Her sisters and my boys would try to get her to play, but she simply said 

“hold on; I almost got it after this one.”

She never played that night, nor did she achieve her handstand; instead, she went home with bruised legs and a determined heart. 

A couple of years later, she chose to sign up for gymnastics to better her cheerleading skills. She was successful at improving her skills to cheer. They even recruited her to be on the team and compete.  This girl has more drive and resilience than I see in adults.

She was willing to take the bruises, make a fool out of herself in front of others, keep at it day in and out no matter how uncomfortable things got for her.  Comfort breeds complacency. Suppose you want to achieve great things; you need to get comfortable being uncomfortable. It’s in that discomfort that we discover what we are made of and grow.