After 16 years, my husband and I planned a vow renewal at one of our favorite beaches in the Tampa area.

The weather was perfect, and we planned a boat ride around the bay. 

“Make sure you take your jewelry off, babe,” Matt said

“ok, ok..” I responded while packing coolers and applying sunscreen to the children.

In minutes all eight of us were loaded up in the van and on our way to the marina.

The ocean was beautiful, the sun shone, and the kids were happy. Matt navigated the boat through rough waters like a pro, and we all enjoyed our time at sea. Soon we would be getting ready for our vow renewal.

As I imagined what the evening would bring, I glanced down at my hand, and my nightmare was now a reality; my diamond was gone.

Frantic, I grabbed my ears, neck, and other hand to ensure all my other jewelry had their stones. Then, my oldest son, mother, and I scoured the boat, hoping to find my diamond, but nothing.

I walked off that boat in defeat, and with my husband’s words echoing through my head (babe, make sure you take off your jewelry), I showed him what had happened. We reported it to the marina and went on our way. 

I was mad at myself for not remembering to remove my jewelry after Matt had warned me. I was broken that the beautiful engagement ring he worked so hard for was gone. The ring that signified he chose me to be his wife lay somewhere at the bottom of the ocean, and it was my fault. My treasure was gone.

 Matt suggested we use the ring on my left hand for our vow renewal ceremony. With a broken heart, I agreed. Right before we walked down the sandy aisle, Matt looked at me and said, “It will be ok; your ring will get fixed. You still have me. I am right here.” And just like that, my perspective changed.

He was right. I looked at the blessings around me: my children, family, and husband. I am a lucky woman that he would choose to do life with me repeatedly, ring or no ring.

Even though my brain knew his love for me was not attached to the ring, it took losing it to open my eyes. The proof of his passion was not in my ring. It’s in his commitment to love, honor, and provide for me daily. The diamond though precious, was just a symbol to show the world. It was not my treasure; he is, and that love goes deeper than diamonds, even if it lies at the bottom of the ocean. 

^“Above all, my brothers and sisters, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or with any other oath. But let your “yes” mean “yes,” and your “no” mean “no,” so that you won’t fall under judgment.”- James 5:12

Have you ever heard someone complaining about their workload because they took on extra work in the office? Or maybe complain because they offered to watch someone’s kids for a few hours when they did not want to. If you asked them why they offered to do something they didn’t want to do, the answer is usually one of these two “They needed my help, and I didn’t want to let them down.” Or “they had none else to do it.” Both answers are equally as wrong. If they said no, the person asking would find someone else, and if not, they would have to do it themselves or face the consequence. But instead, they find someone willing to save the day for them and overextend their calendars.

This is a classic sign of unestablished boundaries. If we don’t want to feel taken advantage of or judged for grumbling and complaining, let our yes be yes and no be no. Setting boundaries protect us from being taken advantage of, establishes respect, and prevents unnecessary stress or anxiety. 

            Living with healthy boundaries means we won’t compromise our values for someone else’s. Instead, we understand and apply safeguard on what we value most and respect others the same. Healthy boundaries also mean we are not afraid to say “no” when necessary, nor get offended if another tells us no.

However, there is a flip side. Our boundaries can also become walls. Do you know the difference?

When we hide behind walls under the illusion of boundaries, it may look like this

“I’m just a private person” while we avoid building new relationships. “sorry, it’s been a while since we have connected; I’ve just been busy.” As we keep a safe distance from too many “friends .” We build walls of isolation, refusing to ask for help and maintaining a safe distance to prevent rejection. After a while, we realize that we have created a fortress of excuses to keep ourselves from being hurt. 

In our attempt to protect ourselves, We have hardened our hearts, fractured our spirits, and become lonely or bitter, wondering if we matter to anyone. We can often replay past hurts and justify our “boundaries,” but it all stems from pain and unforgiveness when we get to the root. One of the hardest things we must do is practice regular forgiveness. The Bible tells us to love our neighbor, and if we are hiding behind walls, we can’t do that. Nor did we ever forgive them for past hurts, leaving us captive to past pains and bitter hearts.

The good news is that no matter how big our walls are, God is with us. He is only a whisper away, waiting to take the walls down. However, that requires us to trust the Lord.

 Ezekiel 36:26  states, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”

Suppose you are tired of living behind walls; it’s time to invite God into those broken places and let him restore your heart. It’s time to take a chance with people and practice healthy boundaries but be ready to forgive should someone cross the line (and they will).

Establishing healthy boundaries and trusting God will make things right when we’ve been wronged and allow us to live freely

shall renew their strength;

They shall mount up with wings like eagles,

they shall run and not be weary,

they shall walk and not faint.” ~Isa 40:31

This scripture has been a song in my heart for a few months now. The thing that has stuck out to me is the word wait. How can I wait on the Lord? So many people confuse waiting with doing nothing and seeing what happens. As I looked up what it means to “wait,” this is what I read according to Merriam Webster as a verb “to wait” means: “to stay in expectation of.”

Think about that, to wait in expectation of; that means heart filled with hope and prospect that something you’re expecting will happen.

I don’t know about you, but I look forward to date night. With the demands of work, children, and sometimes ministry obligations, my husband and I have learned to make our marriage a priority by carving out date nights every month. But, let’s be honest, it can be easy to neglect our spouses in the day-to-day business of life.

We decided to set our dates in the calendar and honor those days with no excuses to prevent that from happening. 

As those days come, Matt and I get excited in anticipation of our alone time. Most date nights, we run out of the house and decide what to do as we are pulled out of the driveway in a blind fury to escape phone calls and “momtruptions.”

However, other evenings I’ll get a text, “find something nice to wear for our date this week we have reservation” When I get those texts, something in me comes alive. Thoughts relentlessly race through my mind of how I plan to ready myself in such a way that I have my husband’s undivided attention the entire evening.

It will be a memorable evening—something he planned ahead of time just for us. My heart leaps with excitement and anticipation of what is to come.

I shop with excitement and vision, ensuring my ensemble has just the right vibe. My hair should be on point; jewelry is delicate yet enticing. Every time I walk past Matt, my perfume should seduce his senses. Yes, I plan it perfectly and then wait for that evening to arrive.

Why would I go through all that trouble, one may ask? Simple because the chase is fun. A deep desire peaks at the opportunity to entice my husband as if we were newlywed. To see the spark in his eye while we playfully flirt across the dinner table. The sly, mischievous smile screams his desire for me in silence and tender touches that set all nerve endings on high alert.

Evenings like those can be magical, reigniting dry places in a marriage, restoring what busy schedules and demanding children have robbed from you. In one night, you’ve recharged the relationship, and your intimacy burns with life, and through the process, we waited.

If we can wait and meticulously prepare for a romantic evening with our spouse trusting and knowing the outcome will be beautiful. Why do we have a hard time waiting on God in these same dry places we try to hide? The areas we have no control over? (like reservations we knew nothing about but prepared for)

Places of transition, pain, anxiety, or loss. The areas we desperately need answers to while the pressure of life continues to bear down on us, trapping us under the weight of uncertainty. Why do we feel the need not to prepare but to control and take matters into our own hands?

We can say it’s simply fear of the unknown. However, I would say even fear of the unknown stems from the same place, lack of trust.

Jer 29:11 Says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Life is full of both challenges and expectations. We try so hard to achieve greatness in all we do. We want to be great moms, wives, employees, or business owners. The problem is that not all things have straightforward ways to achieve greatness or stability. Babies don’t come with directions on their feet on caring for them and not fail. Being a wife does not come with a handbook on how to combine two different worlds and make them one in perfect unity all the time. Life does not come with a guide on preparing for a loss of a parent or loved one. Yet all these things are a part of our life. We feel like we should have them under control, but when something goes wrong, we are shaken and feel as though we are left sailing through dark waters with no light.

We desperately try to find our way out while angry waves slam against our boat, rocking us from side to side, tossed by confusion and surrounded by options that don’t guarantee us the safety of solid ground. Yet we still fight the storms; we continue to take the wheel in our hand and fight until we are shipwrecked. Then looking around, I wonder why we are there.

 It does not have to be that way. Do we not prepare for the evening when our spouse surprises us with reservations somewhere? Can you imagine how the evening would go if we came out of our room dressed in yoga pants, hair tossed back in what once resembled a ponytail while he was dressed to impress. Can you imagine the look on his face if you said: “ok, let’s go? I decided it would be better to grab a burger and coffee instead. I am not sure ill like where you were heading, so I changed the plans.”

I could be wrong, but I am willing to bet most women would be more than happy to be surprised with a romantic evening out. The thought of taking over his special night or imposing our agenda would never cross our minds. Why? Because our spouse knows us, loves us, wants to draw close to us, and bless and protect us.

So how much more does the Lord? If we can change our perspectives from the problems storming around us to the God that goes before us, we will remember his promises. We may not know all that lies ahead, but He does, and even when things are grim, unstable, uncertain, and scary, if we trust the Lord and wait on him, he will renew our strength; he will give us clarity, direction, and peace because His love for us is more profound than the love of our spouse. All we have to do is trust him and wait.

“In everything, set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness, and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.” Titus 2:7

Whether you are a teacher of God’s word or a teacher of any other subject in a school, your responsibility is great and does not stop at teaching a subject.  Teachers mold minds, touch hearts and develop character.

A couple of weeks ago, I sat across from my childhood best friend at our local Barns & Noble.

With a warm late in hand, we discussed family, life, and career changes. This woman is amazing.  She is a wife, mom of two wonderful boys, high school English teacher, and pursuing her masters. Yet, she is driven, organized, never stops developing herself, and is incredible at what she does.

While discussing obstacles we face in our careers; I said

“You don’t do what you do because “you make the big bucks”; why do you do it?”

Without hesitation, she responds. “To make a difference.”

Although that is an appropriate answer, I challenged her.

“I think it goes deeper. For example, when we were in high school, which one of our teachers inspired you?”

The conversation was terrific as we walked down memory lane and identified the teachers that had the most significant impact on our lives.  These teachers created a vision, inspired greatness, taught perseverance, stood beside us and NEVER above us. In addition, these teachers showed integrity, strength, wisdom, humility and ran their room with a firm hand when needed.

They challenged us to think critically, grow in our strengths, develop our weaknesses, and no matter what happens in life, never give up the pursuit of our dreams (there is always another way).

The lessons we learned molded us into the women we are today, and we could not be more grateful for all they poured into us.

 While we sat back and admired how amazing they were, I looked at her and said.

“someday, your students will sit in a coffee shop like this and say the same about you.  You are inspiring change, not just teaching English.  You are the product of what our teachers poured into us; because of that, you will make a difference.“

Our high school teachers modeled the example scripture set for us in and out of the classroom.  They did not beat us with a bible or preach to us.  They did not lecture us in God’s word or our religious preferences, even though we were in a private school.  But they instead modeled integrity and uprightness in their everyday behavior.  Their character was consistent, and they touched the lives of every student that came through those doors.

Some food for thought. If you have a child or children in school, pray for their teachers. Pray that they inspire from a place of love.  Pray that your children see integrity and strength, that their words will always uplift, encourage, and challenge their students. 

Continue to pray that each child’s life they touch would be a testimony to how God used them to make a difference and that they would not get weary in doing what is right.

Then take the time to give back by thanking them for all they pour into our children so selflessly.