Speaking from experience, I was guilty of some of those statements myself. During that time in my life, I was overworked, underappreciated, burnt out, and unhappy.  No good to anyone, yet I kept trying to be everything to everyone. My pastor used to tell me, “Julie, you have many talents, but you can’t do it all and do it all with excellence” Instead of heading to his wisdom, I took it as a challenge to prove him wrong showing him my value as a staff member.  However, that led me right to ministry burnout.  

One exhausting night I picked up a book written by Lysa TerKeurst called “The Best Yes.”

This book was filled with information I already knew but chose to ignore. However, it opened my eyes to the significant impacted my choice made on my spiritual well-being by choosing not to change my behavior.

The simple lesson was the importance of saying no. 

We all have endless amounts of responsibilities; however, How and when they get to be executed matters. When we say yes to something, we are saying no to something else, so before we give our yes away, we need to ask ourselves what we are willing to sacrifice on that to-do list.

We want to live a life of peace and balance—no stress and chaos. So, before we give away our “yes,” hold it thru the filter of how will this impact my overall day and week? What am I sacrificing by taking this task on?  How will it affect my attitude, family, and well-being? If any of those answers are negative, you may want to reconsider your “yes” and be honest with yourself and the people around you.  Balance and boundaries are not something you find. It’s something you create. Be intentional with your time. It’s precious.  Making healthy boundaries in our life creates balance in our day-to-day routines.  It also shows others where the line ends and begins. It creates clarity, and people know what to expect from you.  It also prevents burnout and confusion. Now and then, we will have to make adjustments to our schedules, especially as the seasons change.  However, the truth remains the same.  Maintain a healthy lifestyle, and spiritual well-being starts with balance.

 As Lysa stated, “The decisions you make determine the schedule you keep. The schedule you keep determines the life that you live…”

 Let’s be women that live our best life and know our “Best Yes.”

As a result of my pain, I swore I would never get divorced or have a broken home. I held on to the fantasy that you could have a happily ever after.  That marriage could be forever, and I would find out how. 

At age twenty, I became a single mother failing at the promise I made myself of not having a broken home but was thankful for God’s grace. During that season, I could see marriage from a very different perspective. I watched in awe of the banter and love I frequently saw between my ex-in-laws. I remember wondering, “what is the secret to such a successful marriage?” How were they so happy and in love. It made no sense to me.  They have six children, demanding jobs, and yet anytime I saw them, they showed an ungodly amount of love for each other.  

If they disagreed, there was a look and a tone given that usually ended them going somewhere private to work it out and come back like nothing ever happened. I thought marriage like that was a fairytale; however, I saw how real it was.  That was the type of marriage I wanted. And I wanted to know the secret. I am glad to say this inspiring couple is still happily married and as cute as ever after forty-four years.  I also learned the secret that kept their marriage and will continue to keep their marriage.

Ephesians 4:2-3 states:

 ^“with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”

Now I know this scripture is for unity in the church body.  But we can apply it in marriage as well. When you say, “I do,” It’s no longer about you but about serving and loving each other.  That means we need to show each other a level of humility, respect, patience, and of course, love. The same way God loves us.  Will we fail? Sure, we will have bad days.  We may lose our temper or not be so loving or respectful to our spouse.  However, this is where humility comes in.  We need to make it a priority to go to each other and forgive each other for shortcomings and work things out. A solid, successful marriage is built, tried, and tested. The building takes time and patience but, in the end, worth all the sacrifice.

Yes, you have dishes in your sink

And piles of laundry to be folded.

Dear mom, 

Yes, the kids are unruly

And yes, very demanding

Dear mom,

The phone doesn’t stop ringing 

And needs are endless

Dear mom,

Supper may be late

Your to-do list may not be done. But you haven’t failed

It will all be there when you get back.  

Shut the door to the mess and chaos.

Walk away. Take a breath and some time for yourself. 

Go for a run or work out. Hide in your room with a book or music. Take a walk or soak in the tub.

Dear mom,

Your well-being is just as important as everything else you “have” to do.  So, remember to take care of yourself because no one else will.

A couple of summers ago, a friend of mine brought her kids over for a playdate.  We enjoyed the summer weather and caught up on life while watching the kids play outside.  Her girls being cheerleaders, needed to show off their skills, so after a short while, we hear: 

“titi, look at my cartwheel… I am learning how to do a back handspring too.” 

When the youngest of the girls, Jen, chimed in

 “titi, look at mine… I can do a round-off and almost a handstand,” and within just a few minutes, the sisters were in full cheer practice on my lawn.  Jen, the youngest, had not mastered the stability of a handstand, but the entire night she kept practicing even after we went inside.  Countless times we heard her slam to the floor, numerous times her mother said, “Jen enough, you’re going to get hurt,” But she refused to stop, and I refuse to give up believing in her.

Her sisters and my boys would try to get her to play, but she simply said 

“hold on; I almost got it after this one.”

She never played that night, nor did she achieve her handstand; instead, she went home with bruised legs and a determined heart. 

A couple of years later, she chose to sign up for gymnastics to better her cheerleading skills. She was successful at improving her skills to cheer. They even recruited her to be on the team and compete.  This girl has more drive and resilience than I see in adults.

She was willing to take the bruises, make a fool out of herself in front of others, keep at it day in and out no matter how uncomfortable things got for her.  Comfort breeds complacency. Suppose you want to achieve great things; you need to get comfortable being uncomfortable. It’s in that discomfort that we discover what we are made of and grow.

 “No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. 

Later on, however, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” ~Hebrews 12:11 CSB

I have four boys, and all of them were diagnosed with ADHD. Before their diagnosis and putting them on a low dose medication correction was a constant thing in my home. You would often hear these word echo thru my house,

“Full body listening, keep your hands off your brother, eyes on me, when do we listen, or finally you guys have too much energy; you need to work on your self-control,” 

It made for very long, emotionally exhausting days, Especially for them.  They often felt defeated, or they failed because of their lack of self-control and constant discipline. 

At times I would also go to bed feeling the same.  

“Have I failed my children? Do I make them unhappy? I wish I did not have to correct them so much.  I just want them to feel loved.”

After battling my insecurities, I gave myself a pep talk. I decided that if I plan on successfully teaching my kids to understand correction, I needed to change my perspective and model it.

 The scripture says: “it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11 

Well, if correction is like training, it’s safe to say God is our coach. He will lead us to grow when we have become complacent or too confident in our abilities that we feel we no longer need coaching.

Character building is like training your body to compete athletically. It is painful, exhausting at times, and it takes commitment to better yourself.  If you don’t have the discipline to see past the present discomfort, you will not reap the benefits of future results. So, yes, at times, we will face the uncomfortable truths of correction. No matter how painful it may be, how we view and respond to these situations matter.

One rainy day I was driving with my youngest son John to pick up one of my other sons from a friend’s house. John had some concerns he needed to address, and I guess a rainy car ride was just the place.

“Mom, I wish I did not have lots of energy. I hate it.  Why do I have to have so much energy?”

Imagine the thoughts racing through my head while I know the answer to the question I was about to ask.

“John, why do you hate it? What’s wrong with having lots of energy?” 

Peeking at him through the rearview mirror, I see him staring out the side window, deep in thought.

“I always get yelled at, mom.  It makes me sad.  Why do I need energy if I am just going to be in trouble?”

I took a moment and answered.

“Buddy, God made you perfect.  Even with all your energy.  I am sorry I can’t tell you why you have so much energy, but having it is not bad; you just need to learn to control it.  That takes time, and eventually, you will learn”.

“Ok, mommy.  But I am just telling you I don’t like it.”

The rest of the ride was silent, and I thought of how we adults are no different than my son.  We don’t like the feeling of inadequacy or failure either and avoid it at all costs.

But if we know that correction is suitable for our children. Given only to strengthen them, their character, and done out of love. Why do we focus on the negative side of correction when we need to receive it?   It develops our character, strengthens our weaknesses, and our father does it, or allows it out of love. 

Scripture tells us, “The one who follows instruction is on the path to life,

but the one who rejects correction goes astray.” Proverbs 10:17

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be like my children and run from correction.  I want to be the mom that embraces it and models that for them. 

That means it’s time to change our childlike perspective and trust in the process of correction.

We need to follow instructions and be confident in the direction our coach has given us. 

If not, we are in danger of walking down the wrong path. A path of ignorance and self-pride that keeps us in that downward spiral of self-loathing. (not an attractive look)  

It’s better to choose correction and grow from our mistakes than to sit and ignorance and refuse to grow.

Not sure about you, but I want my children to see me walk in obedience and grow from correction rather than have them see me have an adult size tantrum while God drags me through the changes. Let’s lead by example, showing our children how to accept correction and know they are loved.