As a result of my pain, I swore I would never get divorced or have a broken home. I held on to the fantasy that you could have a happily ever after.  That marriage could be forever, and I would find out how. 

At age twenty, I became a single mother failing at the promise I made myself of not having a broken home but was thankful for God’s grace. During that season, I could see marriage from a very different perspective. I watched in awe of the banter and love I frequently saw between my ex-in-laws. I remember wondering, “what is the secret to such a successful marriage?” How were they so happy and in love. It made no sense to me.  They have six children, demanding jobs, and yet anytime I saw them, they showed an ungodly amount of love for each other.  

If they disagreed, there was a look and a tone given that usually ended them going somewhere private to work it out and come back like nothing ever happened. I thought marriage like that was a fairytale; however, I saw how real it was.  That was the type of marriage I wanted. And I wanted to know the secret. I am glad to say this inspiring couple is still happily married and as cute as ever after forty-four years.  I also learned the secret that kept their marriage and will continue to keep their marriage.

Ephesians 4:2-3 states:

 ^“with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”

Now I know this scripture is for unity in the church body.  But we can apply it in marriage as well. When you say, “I do,” It’s no longer about you but about serving and loving each other.  That means we need to show each other a level of humility, respect, patience, and of course, love. The same way God loves us.  Will we fail? Sure, we will have bad days.  We may lose our temper or not be so loving or respectful to our spouse.  However, this is where humility comes in.  We need to make it a priority to go to each other and forgive each other for shortcomings and work things out. A solid, successful marriage is built, tried, and tested. The building takes time and patience but, in the end, worth all the sacrifice.

When I finally found the place, I was eager to serve again and jumped in with both feet.  Once again, serving on the media team, hospitality, kids ministry, and so much more.  There was not a Sunday that I was not busy at church.  I loved serving and being at the church and 

I wanted my kids to share in that passion, so I lead by example.  After a year or so, I was hired on staff and continued to juggle all the balls. 

“I can do this I will do this. I am working for God, what an honor.”  There was a fulfillment that only comes from knowing you are doing kingdom work, and nothing compares to that joy and satisfaction.

But soon, the honeymoon phase was over, and my slow fade started.  Within five years, the very thing I loved more than life was the same thing that was tearing apart my family and sent me spiraling down into a deep depression.

I was a prisoner to ministry serving man and no longer God.  Something had to change; I was functioning but miserable. 

I decided to step down from all ministry obligations and resigned from my job.  I went on hiatus for a full three years to find myself and discover God all over again. I needed to know where I went wrong and why he allowed my family to suffer at the hand of ministry. 

Here is what I discovered.

“Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the whole earth.

He never becomes faint or weary;

there is no limit to his understanding.

He gives strength to the faint

and strengthens the powerless.

Youths may become faint and weary,

and young men stumble and fall,

 but those who trust in the Lord

will renew their strength;

they will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not become weary,

they will walk and not faint.” ~Isaiah 40:28-31

The great revelation for me was “just because I can does not mean I should” I am not God.  I don’t have all the power and all the strength.  I will get weary if I am running myself into the ground trying to stay busy for God instead of serving when or where the Lord had placed me.  I wanted to prove so badly that I loved to help and was reliable that I forgot to love and serve my family in the process.  I stopped trusting in the Lord and started depending on my skill and strengths then wondered why I burnt out.

It was then I resolved to set boundaries and learn balance.  I never want to lose sight of the order of things again God, Family, Ministry.  We serve God thru ministry but should never sacrifice ourselves or our family on the altar of ministry.

I wish I had understood that back then.  Then maybe the warning signs that I was in danger of burnout would have been clear, saving my family and me many heartaches.

 Here is how it happened for me and in the exact order.

1. Drive: I am a very driven person; I like to get things done, and I want them done to an excellent standard.  If I saw a ball drop, by nature, I would pick it up and run with it, no questions.

2. Motivation: I wanted to serve God full time and do great things for the kingdom, not just be a “glorified secretary,” so I did everything that came my way to prove my worth in hopes of being able to switch positions. (not a good motive, and I did not even realize that until it was too late)

3. Drained: Coming to the office was a chore.  I felt utterly drained and could not wait to go home. The day had not even started.

4. Short Fuse: Being in ministry is a team sport.  Your part of a team and the whole team needs to be on the same page to function correctly.  I found myself getting critical with my teammates, annoyed with my leadership, and short with volunteers.

5. Apathetic: I turned off all emotion and felt nothing. I started going thru the motions to get things done and check the box but was numb to why I was serving or even working at the church.  Depression began to take over, and I refused to admit it.

6. Self-medicate: Food became my drug of choice. Eating my emotions, I gained almost 90lb’s, causing me to hate myself more.

7. No Rest: time off and vacations gave me no rest; it was like I never had time off.

8. Isolation: I started to withdraw from friends, leadership, and people.  I just wanted to be left alone “people sucked the life out of me.”

9. Resentful: Felt lack of appreciation and value; therefore, was resentful and critical of leadership and their decisions.  I was no longer running the race with them; I was slowing them down

10. DONE: I was 100% done.  Let go of everything and walked away in defeat and overwhelming depression.

If you fall in too more than one of those ten categories and find yourself fighting daily to do what you once felt called to or what brought you joy.

It’s time to take a step back.  Look in and ask yourself, WHY am I doing all I am doing. Can I release somethings? Is this my calling, or am I doing it because I can (skillset)?

Then instead of isolating, contact your pastor and have a sit-down.  Allow them to speak to your dry bones and help you reconnect with God during your business. Their job is to lead you.  Allow them to do that.

Then run to your father’s arms with complete trust and allow him to fill you up.

 ^“but those who trust in the Lord

will renew their strength;

they will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not become weary,

they will walk and not faint.” ~Isaiah 40:31

If you trust in God and his direction for your life, you may have seasons of exhaustion, but he WILL renew your strength. Don’t let Ministry Burnout take you out. Find the balance, set the boundaries, and remember your serving God, not man. God, family, ministry.

These last few months have been interesting for me as I reopened my daycare. After being closed for four months, my families were going to return to work and leave their children in my care. I can’t imagine the stress families are feeling as they return to work and leave their children in childcare during the midst of a health pandemic. 

The weight of responsibility I feel is great.  Being trusted to keep their prized possessions safe and healthy during such an uncertain time is no small task. 

To those not in childcare, it may sound easy: watch the kids, teach the kids, keep the small humans from killing each other, send them home, and repeat.

But that’s far from how it works. Yes, we watch, care for, and teach and we also protect, nurture, and love. 

To ensure the kids in my care would stay healthy and safe, many new protocols had to be enforced.  Parents where no longer allowed in my home at drop-off or pick-up, masks for staff and children aged three and over must be worn at all times, health screenings and sanitation were performed prior to the child entering the program, pick up was curbside where a hired staff member would walk the child to parents car and so much more. I lost some families due to high standards and protocols and kept some.  In these times of uncertainty, there does not seem to be the right answer.

Leaders everywhere are facing even more pressure. Whether you manage a retail store, restaurant, hospital, church, or your own company. The expectations and pressure placed on leaders to lead and lead well are great. They are responsible for the safety and well-being of all employees and consumers. They are responsible for maintaining the vision and driving success for the company, as well as meeting the consumer’s needs. In today’s economy, it can be grueling because in today’s culture everyone feels like they need to do “it” better.

This is just some of what we hear as leaders:

“They are not wearing masks, can you believe that?” 

“The church should not have to follow such strict guidelines; it’s a place of worship.”  

“We need to open schools! Kids can’t learn remotely.” 

“We need to stay remote learning.”

“Opening schools are not safe or responsible!”

“Kids should wear masks in school and daycare.” 

“I don’t want my child to be in a mask all day.” 

“Can you believe we need to wear masks at the gym?” 

“Gyms shouldn’t be allowed open!” 

“Wearing masks in the church shows a lack of faith” 

“Not wearing a mask in the church shows a lack of wisdom.”

As you can see, we will never please everyone.

With that being said I want to make a confession that will be less than popular amongst my Christian readers. I enjoy reading and watching fantasy. Particularly, the Harry Potter collection. Please know I do not endorse witchcraft or magic by any means. However, I can appreciate the art of great fantasy written by a great author.  When a novel becomes a movie, you can bet I will watch it. 

So, as I continue, I want to compare this year to Harry Potter’s world. The other night I was watching  Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire. Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster of the Hogwarts School states to young Harry Potter. “We must all face the choice of what is right and what is easy.” 

Let’s give that quote some content, shall we?  During that scene, Dumbledore was warning young wizard Harry Potter that difficult times will lie ahead. The greatly feared dark wizard Lord Voldemort has returned to finish what he started so many years ago.  With his own loyal followers of witches and wizards, he aims to purify the wizarding world by executing the wizards and witches born to non-magical parents. His goal is to overthrow Dumbledore, taking over the school, and claim the life of Harry Potter making him not only the most feared but the greatest wizard of all time. The school was heading into dark and uncertain times. What was familiar changed and all they trusted was tried. That statement was a great challenge of character for Harry and a good reminder of how we should handle life’s challenges in the hardest of times.  

Following the life of Harry Potter, you see him face fears, overcome obstacles, brave uncertainty, and overcome evil.  How does a young boy conquer all he endured? The movie says, true love.  The love of his lost parents.  The love he and his friends shared for each other creating a lasting unity even when they did not see eye to eye.  The love and respect he had for his leadership even when he challenged their view.  In the end, he stood up for what was right, not what’s easy – no matter what it cost.

What does that look like biblically? First of all, as Christians, we should be showing love.  Real love.  Operating in grace, truth, understanding, and forgiveness.  We should be remembering that everyone is human and makes mistakes, including leaders from all walks of life.  

The scripture says “So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors, and teachers,  to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.  Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming.  Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.  From him, the whole body joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.” (Romans 4:11-16)

No matter who the leader is or what they oversee, we must remember God allowed them in that position of influence. They were placed there to teach, guide, and equip us. Pastors are not exempt from the pressure of today.  They are facing all the same trials and decisions like every other person yet the weight of responsibility for their sheep is great.  Please know during these times, we should be trusting our leadership even if we feel they have failed: they are not perfect, they are people. We need to listen to the guidance of our leaders and hold it to the word of God, allowing it to grow us in our faith making us stronger and uniting us as a body. We won’t all agree on everything that is happening around us, but if we are people of faith, we should agree on what’s important: love of God, love of one another, Lost souls, and unity of God’s people.

 If we are going to reach a lost world, it’s time for us to do what’s right and not what’s easy.

 Now more than ever the church is under a magnifying glass to see how we respond under this great pressure.  It’s easy to walk away and point the blame on leaders when things are not perfect, but that’s not what’s right. That’s easy. Being influenced by the majority and not rooted in your faith and convictions will continue to cause division in the church and in the community.   

The right thing may be hard and go against our fleshly nature but yields great reward. We need to remember that leaders are also people.  We need to forgive them for shortcomings, grow from the place of pain or failure, and trust in our leadership to continue to lead and lead well. God placed them there to develop us and the kingdom.  If we all focused on the humanity of the leader instead of the position, if we loved the way God asked us to love, we would see more unity between his people.  This broken world would see the unexplainable love of God instead of the same division and hatred they see outside the church.  At the end of the day, the choice is our own. I hope the families that entrust me with their children would see me as human and offer me the same love, grace, understanding, and support.

I know for me I will choose what’s right choosing to love, forgive, and stand by my leaders being a part of the solution of unity and not the problem of division and brokenness.