In my book Interrupted, I refer to us moms as “super moms, running on super mom strength,” But every super mom needs a home base team to operate out of successfully.   The Avengers have a place; the Incredibles have a place; even spiderman had his “home base.” So, we are no different.

One morning at drop off a daycare parent said to me 

“I don’t know how you do it. You’re a one-woman show…teaching your kids remotely, caring for other people’s kids, helping care for an elderly parent, staying fit, and writing your books.  How do you do it all?”

 I never thought of it before that day.  But the answer is simple.  I have a solid home base.  

I can do what I do thanks to God, my super-secret elixir (coffee), and the support of my incredible husband. It’s the trifecta of my powerplay, and without it, my incredible mommy skills would fail.  No matter how much I can accomplish in a day, I do better when it’s an all-team play. 

God keeps me grounded and fills me daily, coffee keeps me motivated on my lack of sleep, and my incredible husband Matt reminds me that I need to fill my cup before I pour it out. 

Although Matt works two jobs, he still finds a way to show his love to me by helping me in the home.  Nothing says I love you like serving each other. We both have full schedules, work hard both in and out of the house, and appreciate each other for what we do. For these reasons, both of us make it a point to try and make the other person’s day a little easier. 

Being married just about fifteen-year Matt has picked up some tall tale signs of when mom needs a break.  When he sees those warning signs, he is quick to intervene and spare the family a mom-size freak-out resulting from lack of rest.

Matt simply kicks me out of the house and assures me, “I’ve got the kids and house” He encourages me to go to the gym, read a book, have coffee with a friend, or do nothing. He doesn’t care what I do as long as I return home rested with a smile on my face. 

His help allows me to regroup, refocus, and refresh by stepping away and fully resting.

Rest days are essential to maintaining sanity and balance.  If we regularly serve others, including our family, we need to make sure we are well-rested; if not, we are of no use to anyone else.  Whether your spouse can give you a break or you need to get a sitter for the kiddos, make sure you are taking care of yourself first, mamas. Then you can continue to pour into everyone else.

 COFFEE.  I needed a VENTI hot latte with an extra shot of espresso and a dash of cinnamon. Something to relax my nerves and warm my soul. 

Naturally, I called Matt (my husband) to make my request known on his drive home from work. He refers to a Starbucks run as a “state of emergency.” Mom needs coffee, stat!  A coffee run mid-day usually lets my husband know the kind of day I am having so “state of emergency” is an accurate description.

Anticipating that first sip, I pace the kitchen waiting for his arrival.

The list of “to-do’s” continues to grow in my head when he walks thru the door.  Coffee! Ahh, now it’s time to regroup and breathe. 

 Enjoying my first sip, my oldest son, still living at home, says,

 “ Good job, dad! Happy wife, happy life.  She was grumpy!”

 I shot him a look from across the kitchen, but Matt quickly replies

 “happy spouse happy house.” I looked at him puzzled when he continued to explain to our son.

“ I love your mom and enjoy making her happy.  But she does the same for me.  It’s not about one person being happy.  It’s about taking care of each other”

Ethan nodded at his father and walked away. I took the opportunity to jump into his arms giving him the biggest hug.  Matt is a man of little words. But when he has something to say, he says it.  

I had never thought of that before. We often hear “ Happy wife happy life” but Matt was correct.   Marriage is not about what the other person is giving you but about what you bring to each other.  

What he is saying when he walks through the door from a long day with a cup of coffee in hand is: 

“Thank you for all you do to take care of me, our home, and our children. I love you.”

What I am saying when I have his lunches packed, dinner made, laundry is done, and or get up early to have breakfast with just him is:

 “thank you for working so hard outside the home to provide for us. I love you.” 

Happy Spouse Happy House means putting my husband’s desires before my own, and out of love, he does the same for me. Love is an action.  A happy spouse equals a happy house.