One of the most liberating feelings in life is when you come to a place where you no longer need the affirmation or approval of a man. When I decided to stop people-pleasing, and to seeking others’ approval, I started becoming more confident in who I was and who God created me to be. 

To move past the place of needing others to approve us, we need to know who we are and who God created us to be.  Once we are grounded in that truth, we no longer require man’s approval because we have the love and promises of God.

For those who struggle with pleasing others, it will be a long journey, one that may take many reminders along the way. But the self-discovery during that time is worth it. I am not sorry I made that journey, and you won’t be either.

Insecurities come in many different forms.  But the bottom line is that it is a deep-rooted fear we have whether rational or irrational it hinders our ability to see a circumstance Infront of us clearly. We see that circumstance through the lenses of fear.

This is especially true in marriage. In marriage we are vulnerable to the person we said I do to.  They know all the good, bad, and ugly about us. We feel safe, loved, adored, and I’m sure at times irritated and annoyed with our spouse. But the bottom line is when we said “I do” It was forever.  That means through good, bad, perfect and imperfect times.

A few months ago, my husband Matt revealed to me that he was struggling with my recent weightless changes.  He loved my newfound confidence, and wardrobe and body changes.  However, he could not get past the fact other men would also notice me. It bothered him…a lot. I assured him that I only had eyes for him.  I never gave him reason to believe otherwise however, felt I needed to prove my loyalty.  This caused a lot of tension. Finally, he said to me “this is something I need to get over…It’s not you, it’s me and my insecurities”.

“About time he sees it” I thought.  Yet my heart was unsettled

Over lunch I brought the concerns up to my mom and as usual wisdom was shared.

“Julie, as you continue to better yourself, picking-up new hobbies your circle will change.  You begin to change… (not always bad) but what you enjoy will change.  His circle has not changed so how he feels is valid. He does not want to lose you because he no longer feels he knows you.”

I left lunch with new eyes.  I didn’t want to feed the fear that was brewing in my husband’s heart. In order for us to grow old together we need to grow together. Driving home I asked God what that looked like for us. Before I even made it to my driveway, I had the answer. Make him part of my circle.

Later that evening over dinner I said. 

“babe. would you be interested in going to the gym with me?” Shocked at the question he asked why. 

My response

“I want you to be a part of my circle.  I don’t want us to grow apart because I didn’t include you in my interest.  If you don’t want to, it’s ok.  I just want you to know you have the option to share in my interest. I never want you to feel like I prefer to do life without you.”

That was it.  That was the start of killing the insecurities.  Simply being willing to listen, communicate, understand, and grow together can only cause you to become closer and not divided. 

My challenge to you is share your insecurities with your spouse. If you don’t have any, ask your spouse if they are struggling with any insecurities? Be ready for the answer…Listen without judgement, try to understand, talk it out, seek God’s face, and take action toward the solution. Your marriage can only grow stronger as you grow together.

Today I am proud to say I can do just about anything my children can do and I love it. I will say I get comments for my “extreme” work out habits. But honestly, I don’t mind because the hard work I put in to regain my health and ability to move again was worth it.  It has given me the ability to join my kids in activities instead of growing old “watching” the boys do the things we love doing.

However, something I learned through my fitness journey is that happiness was not found in how much weight I could lift, how fast I could run, or how many PR’s (personal records) I could break.  It was not in my weight loss goals achieved or how I could keep up with the kids.  At the end of the day not even any of those things were enough. I would still stare in the mirror and be unhappy. 

Happiness is a mindset.  Yes, it is an emotion, but it’s also a choice we make daily.  I strongly believe in order to be a well-rounded healthy person we need to work on our mental health as much as our physical health.

Voltaire stated, “I’ve decided to be happy because it’s good for my health.”

He was definitely on to something.  Choosing to be happy helps us to be all around healthier women. It lowers our stress, allows us to have peace of mind, lessens our anxiety, and gives us more rest. We are able to think clearly and see things positively. Therefore, we feel better and stronger emotionally and physically.

Remember being healthy is not just a physical accomplishment but also a mental attitude.  It is what we think and speak over ourselves just as much as it is what our physical bodies are capable of.  The bible states:

 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
and those who love it will eat its fruit.” -Proverbs 18:21 CSB

Let’s be the women that choose to eat positive fruit staying away from the bad that will eventually poison our hearts and perspective. After all what goes in must come out.  So, let’s keep our thoughts positive and aim for happiness as a mindset.