I thought I had gotten better as I got older…and in some areas, I have. Yet, the day to day challenges of mother hood reminds me I still struggle with false expectations on what it looks like to effectively conquer my to-do list while maintaining my sanity, keeping my house, and the newest remote learning for my kids. Curious about how much I have “grown,” I took an Enneagram test, hoping I was not as bad as I thought…

It turns out 98% of my personality is known as the “Perfectionist” am I surprised…nope not surprised at all. Reading the results was an eye-opener.  It went into great detail about my strengths and even greater detail about my weaknesses.  I was surprised to find out how accurate this test was and it caused me to reflect on where I need to improve.

Although we can’t be defined by a simple test result this particular test did explain my natural need to make sure everything is in order as well as my fear of losing control. No wonder why I am so exhausted.

            With that in mind 2020 has been less than accommodating for me (or most people for that matter.) Navigating a worldwide pandemic we have no control over what’s happening around us. For most people, It has been hard to plan and execute anything in the middle of uncertainty.

This September started the new school year and our school systems have remained closed. We are now chartering new ground “remote learning”. Doesn’t sound so bad… I mean I had taken plenty of college courses online.  How hard can it be?

I will prepare a learning area for my children, and I did.  As I watched my educator friends create curriculum to meet the needs of all children on a new platform. I did my due diligence to set all three of my boys a perfect learning area in my kitchen equipped with hanging files for books, pencil box’s, markers, head phones, chrome books, white boards, and course schedules laminated and posted by each of their calendars. First day of school will be great my kids are set up for success with everything at their finger tips. I can breathe…or so I thought 

On the first day of school, everyone signs in and meets with their teachers within five minutes my oldest (7th grade) walked out went to his room, and slammed the door. Fifteen minutes my middle son (4th grade) pulled off the headphones and said “ICANT DO THIS” and my kindergartener says “mom I need help…Mom I can’t mute my mic” What was suppose to be a great start blew up in my face and I am now running from room to room to manage each child as they navigate school online.  Did I mention I run a daycare from home?

 It never crossed my mind that background noise would be a problem. Between daycare kids playing or crying, and each child having to unmute their mic to answer their teachers the sounds of other classes or noise would directly impact each child’s classroom experience. But every problem has a solution right?

 Problem one: Background noise.  Solution. Each child goes to a room and mom check up on them (keeping the youngest in the room where I am of course) Problem two: Caring for other peoples children while trying to manage my kids online school experience. 

Solution. Wait for it…..stop being a helicopter mom! Yup.  Time for mom to let go of control and teach responsibility. This was hard. I had to trust my older boys are signing in and doing work, check in with them when I could, and make sure they were ok.  This includes heavy consequences for not doing what expected. Yes, I work from home. But it is still work so I need to be present doing my job.

 Therefore, I needed to come to a place where I trusted the teachers to teach and expect my children to respect them as if they were live in a classroom.  In essence, I was the teacher’s assistant their second set of eyes.  So I treated it as so. Some may not agree with me, but how would I be teaching my kids to grow, adapt, change, or be flexible if I continued to hover over them. They needed to see this pandemic has affected everyone, not just us.  Their peers are struggling because parents have jobs outside of the home, peers that have tech issues, and yes even their teachers.  This was a perfect opportunity to help mold them into stronger, empathetic, and understanding humans.

As I listened in to each of my children’s teachers I had a glimpse of what “preparing for remote learning” looked like.  Although every child in the district was sent home with expectation and class etiquette for remote learning (mine were posted in each child’s room) You still heard “turn your camera on”… “ are you there? stop leaving the camera we need to see you” “ put your toys away we are learning..” “please keep open drinks away from the computer” “Please mute until you are called on” “raise your hand don’t blurt out answers” and endless parents chiming in of kindergarteners who have run off crying because they have not been called on. My head was spinning as I listened to teachers in each grade level set the standard for respect and class etiquette online. This was definitely going to be a learning curve for students and teachers alike.

 My middle son spencer was frustrated at all the interruptions and lack of learning on day one. Honestly, I was a little frustrated myself.  However, I couldn’t help but think… how are these teachers suppose to teach if they have to call on all 24 students? Or constantly babysit the ones who decide to go off-camera?  How are these teachers going to create a presence of community online? Especially for the children whose parents can’t be with them?

  I’ll tell you how…Perseverance.  

These teachers spend endless nights and weekends trying to figure out how they can help and reach and engage students in all situations.  Students that don’t have computer access, students (especially in elementary level) that have no parent or adult presence to help them navigate the computer and class. Students on IEP’s, Students that are advanced but need to be patient with the ones that are struggling.  These teachers are listening to children share frustrations and teaching them how to cope. They are reassuring the students that things won’t be perfect but we can get through it together with some communication. These teachers are heroes!

 One of my good friends starts her high school Virtual class every morning like this “Hello, Humans! Nice to see you today. Let’s remember -the tech will fail us…” seems so simple, but it’s an amazing good morning intro. It helps the students realize they can’t hold high expectations on “tech” because when it fails…and it will. They will be ok there is always a plan “B”.  That day her computer failed her and as the kids panicked she simply reminded them that “tech would fail” so she showed the students the importance of flexibility by simply scrapping that day’s lesson and moving on to plan B. 

 YES, PLAN B.   Our teachers have taken the time to be prepared for Tech fails and make plans to ease the anxiety of our children.  

At the elementary level after the first day of school, I asked Spencer how he was holding up in class. His response was “I hate it.  I don’t want to listen to other kids, I want to do the work and get offline.  I want my old teachers, I don’t want new ones”

Well… I was not expecting that.  I was reminded of a quote by Albert Einstein “Change is Life. Growth is optional choose wisely.”

I took the opportunity to explain to him that life changes.  We are in a pandemic and Covid19 has impacted everyone even his teachers.  That he needs to be patient and give the teaches a chance because they are doing their very best.  It’s not easy for them to teach online.  But when this is all over he will be great at navigating online platforms and using computers. In time this won’t be so overwhelming. 

He nodded and said “ok mom”

Later that evening around midnight I was thinking of how many kids are struggling after day one.  I picked up my phone and sent an email to his team of teachers.  I started by thanking them for all they are doing.  Then I explained what he had said to me and informed them I just wanted them to understand his heart in case he was difficult to connect with.

At 8 am my phone rang.  It was one of Spencer’s last year’s teachers and she wanted to have a meet with him and his old homeroom teacher before school started for the day.  I put spencer on video chat and both his last year’s teachers were present along with his new teacher.  

Did she have to do that? No, of course not.  Did the other teachers have to take the time to video conference with my son? Of course not.  But that ten minutes they spent checking in with him and talking with him changed his complete attitude. He lit up like a Christmas tree.  He was so happy and could not wait to get to class and make them proud.  Every day has been great for him. All because of the actions of a teacher trying her hardest to connect with a student.

No, back to school is not what we expected but maybe that’s the problem…Expectations. 

Having unrealistic expectations based on experience and human logic (which can be flawed people are not perfect) can only lead to disappointment.  But if we take the challenge to grow in the change and put our hope in something greater than human logic we can expect a great return. 

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6  

God’s promises are absolute and don’t come back void.  We just need to have a little faith in the creator. 

In this crazy time when everything seems to be upside down and make no sense try putting your trust in God and actually giving him complete control instead of trying to control our every minute of every day.

Things may not look how we expected, it may be packaged differently.  But the bottom line is If we trust in God operating in grace and love allowing these times to grow us instead of control us. We can walk in peace, teach our children to walk in peace and to place their expectations in the one who can deliver.  That is just a little of our faith in action.