“No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. 

Later on, however, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” ~Hebrews 12:11 CSB

I have four boys, and all of them were diagnosed with ADHD. Before their diagnosis and putting them on a low dose medication correction was a constant thing in my home. You would often hear these word echo thru my house,

“Full body listening, keep your hands off your brother, eyes on me, when do we listen, or finally you guys have too much energy; you need to work on your self-control,” 

It made for very long, emotionally exhausting days, Especially for them.  They often felt defeated, or they failed because of their lack of self-control and constant discipline. 

At times I would also go to bed feeling the same.  

“Have I failed my children? Do I make them unhappy? I wish I did not have to correct them so much.  I just want them to feel loved.”

After battling my insecurities, I gave myself a pep talk. I decided that if I plan on successfully teaching my kids to understand correction, I needed to change my perspective and model it.

 The scripture says: “it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11 

Well, if correction is like training, it’s safe to say God is our coach. He will lead us to grow when we have become complacent or too confident in our abilities that we feel we no longer need coaching.

Character building is like training your body to compete athletically. It is painful, exhausting at times, and it takes commitment to better yourself.  If you don’t have the discipline to see past the present discomfort, you will not reap the benefits of future results. So, yes, at times, we will face the uncomfortable truths of correction. No matter how painful it may be, how we view and respond to these situations matter.

One rainy day I was driving with my youngest son John to pick up one of my other sons from a friend’s house. John had some concerns he needed to address, and I guess a rainy car ride was just the place.

“Mom, I wish I did not have lots of energy. I hate it.  Why do I have to have so much energy?”

Imagine the thoughts racing through my head while I know the answer to the question I was about to ask.

“John, why do you hate it? What’s wrong with having lots of energy?” 

Peeking at him through the rearview mirror, I see him staring out the side window, deep in thought.

“I always get yelled at, mom.  It makes me sad.  Why do I need energy if I am just going to be in trouble?”

I took a moment and answered.

“Buddy, God made you perfect.  Even with all your energy.  I am sorry I can’t tell you why you have so much energy, but having it is not bad; you just need to learn to control it.  That takes time, and eventually, you will learn”.

“Ok, mommy.  But I am just telling you I don’t like it.”

The rest of the ride was silent, and I thought of how we adults are no different than my son.  We don’t like the feeling of inadequacy or failure either and avoid it at all costs.

But if we know that correction is suitable for our children. Given only to strengthen them, their character, and done out of love. Why do we focus on the negative side of correction when we need to receive it?   It develops our character, strengthens our weaknesses, and our father does it, or allows it out of love. 

Scripture tells us, “The one who follows instruction is on the path to life,

but the one who rejects correction goes astray.” Proverbs 10:17

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be like my children and run from correction.  I want to be the mom that embraces it and models that for them. 

That means it’s time to change our childlike perspective and trust in the process of correction.

We need to follow instructions and be confident in the direction our coach has given us. 

If not, we are in danger of walking down the wrong path. A path of ignorance and self-pride that keeps us in that downward spiral of self-loathing. (not an attractive look)  

It’s better to choose correction and grow from our mistakes than to sit and ignorance and refuse to grow.

Not sure about you, but I want my children to see me walk in obedience and grow from correction rather than have them see me have an adult size tantrum while God drags me through the changes. Let’s lead by example, showing our children how to accept correction and know they are loved.

About six years ago I worked at our local church. It had been a long week and honestly month.  We were in a demanding season getting ready for a large event, and I had been trying to figure out how to juggle my position in the office with other ministry responsibilities I had. There just never seemed to be enough time to do what I use to enjoy and finding time with my family was impossible. Ministry and work consumed me.

The pressure was great, and I began to question if this was actually the life God asked of us if we are to serve him. 

There was very little peace in my home, my children began to resent church and God as we were always (and I mean ALWAYS) at the church.  We rarely saw family or other friends. 

One night after leaving the church and before going home I sat in the parking lot of a local grocery store.  I needed to pick up a few things to make dinner but could not bring myself to get out of the car. Tears streamed down my face I said 

“God what am I missing? I am serving you; I am helping others; I am faithful in all I do. Yet there is so much ugly that surrounds me.  My home feels like a war zone at times and I feel like I am failing in every aspect of life.  Please show me there is still something beautiful in such an ugly world.”

I grabbed what I needed from the store and as I was heading to the check-out sitting on the endcap of an isle an electric purple orchid.  There was no sign of that flower in eyes view any ware.  I was instantly captivated. I picked it up and peace washed over me. I was struck by its beauty and needed to have it. 

At the register the women asked me, “How much is this plant? Do you know what it is?” I had no clue, so I shrugged. The bagger said 

“that’s an orchid and I have no idea where it came from, I can’t find another one!”

They gave me the plant for free!!! And it sat on my desk in my office reminding me that God loved me enough to send me something beautiful.

He cares about our tears, our broken heart and his love for us is deeper than we can imagine. People would come into my office and ask where I got such a beautiful flower. My answer “a gift from God” It wasn’t until months later I discovered how costly these flowers are when I decided I want to get another one for in my home. My first orchid was and always will be a true gift from God. 

Now when I see an orchid, I see Gods goodness, his love, his beauty, and how he views me as his daughter. But we will save that for another blog.

Holidays can be a stressful time when you are dating or married. I remember joking with a friend in light conversations about going to the “outlaws” house for certain holidays.  One day I asked why she referred to them as outlaws.  

She began to explain how she felt like an outcast and did not fit in the family circle no matter how hard she tried. I was shocked. What seemed worse was that her family loved her husband like their own. So out of frustration and exhaustion, they were deemed “Outlaws.”

Unfortunately, many of us have this experience. 

When you get to the root of why we have “outlaws,” it’s summed up in one complicated yet powerful word,

 Offense. The offense is the trigger that keeps the gun of anger locked and loaded.    

“They Burned the Bridge. Then ask why I don’t visit” -Unknown.

No one likes to feel disrespected, undervalued, overlooked, and or tolerated.  Being smiled at in person and talked about behind your back is only one example of inlaw drama.  How about being talked down, too, because your perspective is different?  It becomes an exhausting battle faced every time there is a special occasion. Unnecessary tension builds, stirring up pointless arguments where both people are feeling hurt and frustrated.

Your significant other has the pleasure of begging ripped in half during this time. The mission impossible- trying to keep everyone happy. Who will it be? Please their love or their parent? 

When will it be enough? When do we lose outlaws and remain with inlaws?

The answer is simple. When we are willing to forgive and show grace and understanding, we wish to receive. 

Maybe your spouse has tried to establish boundaries around your relationship, and the inlaws did not respect those boundaries.  FORGIVE.  

Maybe your spouse has not defended your position or set boundaries; forgive and show grace.  Perhaps you’re tired of wearing a fake smile and walking on eggshells to please the inlaws.  Show some dignity and the real you.  The more you harbor resentment and unforgiveness, the longer they will be outlaws if a civil engineer can rebuild a destroyed bridge. We can rebuild broken trust If we would stop holding on to what was lost and chose to rebuild on what’s left. 

Look for the positive and extend that grace one visit at a time.

As your spouse sees you being selfless, loving, and understanding, he will advocate for you more.  However, you may be pleasantly surprised to see the outlaws starting to grow fond of you.  Before you know it, they have become the inlaws.  

These last few months have been interesting for me as I reopened my daycare. After being closed for four months, my families were going to return to work and leave their children in my care. I can’t imagine the stress families are feeling as they return to work and leave their children in childcare during the midst of a health pandemic. 

The weight of responsibility I feel is great.  Being trusted to keep their prized possessions safe and healthy during such an uncertain time is no small task. 

To those not in childcare, it may sound easy: watch the kids, teach the kids, keep the small humans from killing each other, send them home, and repeat.

But that’s far from how it works. Yes, we watch, care for, and teach and we also protect, nurture, and love. 

To ensure the kids in my care would stay healthy and safe, many new protocols had to be enforced.  Parents where no longer allowed in my home at drop-off or pick-up, masks for staff and children aged three and over must be worn at all times, health screenings and sanitation were performed prior to the child entering the program, pick up was curbside where a hired staff member would walk the child to parents car and so much more. I lost some families due to high standards and protocols and kept some.  In these times of uncertainty, there does not seem to be the right answer.

Leaders everywhere are facing even more pressure. Whether you manage a retail store, restaurant, hospital, church, or your own company. The expectations and pressure placed on leaders to lead and lead well are great. They are responsible for the safety and well-being of all employees and consumers. They are responsible for maintaining the vision and driving success for the company, as well as meeting the consumer’s needs. In today’s economy, it can be grueling because in today’s culture everyone feels like they need to do “it” better.

This is just some of what we hear as leaders:

“They are not wearing masks, can you believe that?” 

“The church should not have to follow such strict guidelines; it’s a place of worship.”  

“We need to open schools! Kids can’t learn remotely.” 

“We need to stay remote learning.”

“Opening schools are not safe or responsible!”

“Kids should wear masks in school and daycare.” 

“I don’t want my child to be in a mask all day.” 

“Can you believe we need to wear masks at the gym?” 

“Gyms shouldn’t be allowed open!” 

“Wearing masks in the church shows a lack of faith” 

“Not wearing a mask in the church shows a lack of wisdom.”

As you can see, we will never please everyone.

With that being said I want to make a confession that will be less than popular amongst my Christian readers. I enjoy reading and watching fantasy. Particularly, the Harry Potter collection. Please know I do not endorse witchcraft or magic by any means. However, I can appreciate the art of great fantasy written by a great author.  When a novel becomes a movie, you can bet I will watch it. 

So, as I continue, I want to compare this year to Harry Potter’s world. The other night I was watching  Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire. Albus Dumbledore, the headmaster of the Hogwarts School states to young Harry Potter. “We must all face the choice of what is right and what is easy.” 

Let’s give that quote some content, shall we?  During that scene, Dumbledore was warning young wizard Harry Potter that difficult times will lie ahead. The greatly feared dark wizard Lord Voldemort has returned to finish what he started so many years ago.  With his own loyal followers of witches and wizards, he aims to purify the wizarding world by executing the wizards and witches born to non-magical parents. His goal is to overthrow Dumbledore, taking over the school, and claim the life of Harry Potter making him not only the most feared but the greatest wizard of all time. The school was heading into dark and uncertain times. What was familiar changed and all they trusted was tried. That statement was a great challenge of character for Harry and a good reminder of how we should handle life’s challenges in the hardest of times.  

Following the life of Harry Potter, you see him face fears, overcome obstacles, brave uncertainty, and overcome evil.  How does a young boy conquer all he endured? The movie says, true love.  The love of his lost parents.  The love he and his friends shared for each other creating a lasting unity even when they did not see eye to eye.  The love and respect he had for his leadership even when he challenged their view.  In the end, he stood up for what was right, not what’s easy – no matter what it cost.

What does that look like biblically? First of all, as Christians, we should be showing love.  Real love.  Operating in grace, truth, understanding, and forgiveness.  We should be remembering that everyone is human and makes mistakes, including leaders from all walks of life.  

The scripture says “So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors, and teachers,  to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.  Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming.  Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.  From him, the whole body joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.” (Romans 4:11-16)

No matter who the leader is or what they oversee, we must remember God allowed them in that position of influence. They were placed there to teach, guide, and equip us. Pastors are not exempt from the pressure of today.  They are facing all the same trials and decisions like every other person yet the weight of responsibility for their sheep is great.  Please know during these times, we should be trusting our leadership even if we feel they have failed: they are not perfect, they are people. We need to listen to the guidance of our leaders and hold it to the word of God, allowing it to grow us in our faith making us stronger and uniting us as a body. We won’t all agree on everything that is happening around us, but if we are people of faith, we should agree on what’s important: love of God, love of one another, Lost souls, and unity of God’s people.

 If we are going to reach a lost world, it’s time for us to do what’s right and not what’s easy.

 Now more than ever the church is under a magnifying glass to see how we respond under this great pressure.  It’s easy to walk away and point the blame on leaders when things are not perfect, but that’s not what’s right. That’s easy. Being influenced by the majority and not rooted in your faith and convictions will continue to cause division in the church and in the community.   

The right thing may be hard and go against our fleshly nature but yields great reward. We need to remember that leaders are also people.  We need to forgive them for shortcomings, grow from the place of pain or failure, and trust in our leadership to continue to lead and lead well. God placed them there to develop us and the kingdom.  If we all focused on the humanity of the leader instead of the position, if we loved the way God asked us to love, we would see more unity between his people.  This broken world would see the unexplainable love of God instead of the same division and hatred they see outside the church.  At the end of the day, the choice is our own. I hope the families that entrust me with their children would see me as human and offer me the same love, grace, understanding, and support.

I know for me I will choose what’s right choosing to love, forgive, and stand by my leaders being a part of the solution of unity and not the problem of division and brokenness.