When I finally found the place, I was eager to serve again and jumped in with both feet.  Once again, serving on the media team, hospitality, kids ministry, and so much more.  There was not a Sunday that I was not busy at church.  I loved serving and being at the church and 

I wanted my kids to share in that passion, so I lead by example.  After a year or so, I was hired on staff and continued to juggle all the balls. 

“I can do this I will do this. I am working for God, what an honor.”  There was a fulfillment that only comes from knowing you are doing kingdom work, and nothing compares to that joy and satisfaction.

But soon, the honeymoon phase was over, and my slow fade started.  Within five years, the very thing I loved more than life was the same thing that was tearing apart my family and sent me spiraling down into a deep depression.

I was a prisoner to ministry serving man and no longer God.  Something had to change; I was functioning but miserable. 

I decided to step down from all ministry obligations and resigned from my job.  I went on hiatus for a full three years to find myself and discover God all over again. I needed to know where I went wrong and why he allowed my family to suffer at the hand of ministry. 

Here is what I discovered.

“Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the whole earth.

He never becomes faint or weary;

there is no limit to his understanding.

He gives strength to the faint

and strengthens the powerless.

Youths may become faint and weary,

and young men stumble and fall,

 but those who trust in the Lord

will renew their strength;

they will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not become weary,

they will walk and not faint.” ~Isaiah 40:28-31

The great revelation for me was “just because I can does not mean I should” I am not God.  I don’t have all the power and all the strength.  I will get weary if I am running myself into the ground trying to stay busy for God instead of serving when or where the Lord had placed me.  I wanted to prove so badly that I loved to help and was reliable that I forgot to love and serve my family in the process.  I stopped trusting in the Lord and started depending on my skill and strengths then wondered why I burnt out.

It was then I resolved to set boundaries and learn balance.  I never want to lose sight of the order of things again God, Family, Ministry.  We serve God thru ministry but should never sacrifice ourselves or our family on the altar of ministry.

I wish I had understood that back then.  Then maybe the warning signs that I was in danger of burnout would have been clear, saving my family and me many heartaches.

 Here is how it happened for me and in the exact order.

1. Drive: I am a very driven person; I like to get things done, and I want them done to an excellent standard.  If I saw a ball drop, by nature, I would pick it up and run with it, no questions.

2. Motivation: I wanted to serve God full time and do great things for the kingdom, not just be a “glorified secretary,” so I did everything that came my way to prove my worth in hopes of being able to switch positions. (not a good motive, and I did not even realize that until it was too late)

3. Drained: Coming to the office was a chore.  I felt utterly drained and could not wait to go home. The day had not even started.

4. Short Fuse: Being in ministry is a team sport.  Your part of a team and the whole team needs to be on the same page to function correctly.  I found myself getting critical with my teammates, annoyed with my leadership, and short with volunteers.

5. Apathetic: I turned off all emotion and felt nothing. I started going thru the motions to get things done and check the box but was numb to why I was serving or even working at the church.  Depression began to take over, and I refused to admit it.

6. Self-medicate: Food became my drug of choice. Eating my emotions, I gained almost 90lb’s, causing me to hate myself more.

7. No Rest: time off and vacations gave me no rest; it was like I never had time off.

8. Isolation: I started to withdraw from friends, leadership, and people.  I just wanted to be left alone “people sucked the life out of me.”

9. Resentful: Felt lack of appreciation and value; therefore, was resentful and critical of leadership and their decisions.  I was no longer running the race with them; I was slowing them down

10. DONE: I was 100% done.  Let go of everything and walked away in defeat and overwhelming depression.

If you fall in too more than one of those ten categories and find yourself fighting daily to do what you once felt called to or what brought you joy.

It’s time to take a step back.  Look in and ask yourself, WHY am I doing all I am doing. Can I release somethings? Is this my calling, or am I doing it because I can (skillset)?

Then instead of isolating, contact your pastor and have a sit-down.  Allow them to speak to your dry bones and help you reconnect with God during your business. Their job is to lead you.  Allow them to do that.

Then run to your father’s arms with complete trust and allow him to fill you up.

 ^“but those who trust in the Lord

will renew their strength;

they will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not become weary,

they will walk and not faint.” ~Isaiah 40:31

If you trust in God and his direction for your life, you may have seasons of exhaustion, but he WILL renew your strength. Don’t let Ministry Burnout take you out. Find the balance, set the boundaries, and remember your serving God, not man. God, family, ministry.

About six years ago I worked at our local church. It had been a long week and honestly month.  We were in a demanding season getting ready for a large event, and I had been trying to figure out how to juggle my position in the office with other ministry responsibilities I had. There just never seemed to be enough time to do what I use to enjoy and finding time with my family was impossible. Ministry and work consumed me.

The pressure was great, and I began to question if this was actually the life God asked of us if we are to serve him. 

There was very little peace in my home, my children began to resent church and God as we were always (and I mean ALWAYS) at the church.  We rarely saw family or other friends. 

One night after leaving the church and before going home I sat in the parking lot of a local grocery store.  I needed to pick up a few things to make dinner but could not bring myself to get out of the car. Tears streamed down my face I said 

“God what am I missing? I am serving you; I am helping others; I am faithful in all I do. Yet there is so much ugly that surrounds me.  My home feels like a war zone at times and I feel like I am failing in every aspect of life.  Please show me there is still something beautiful in such an ugly world.”

I grabbed what I needed from the store and as I was heading to the check-out sitting on the endcap of an isle an electric purple orchid.  There was no sign of that flower in eyes view any ware.  I was instantly captivated. I picked it up and peace washed over me. I was struck by its beauty and needed to have it. 

At the register the women asked me, “How much is this plant? Do you know what it is?” I had no clue, so I shrugged. The bagger said 

“that’s an orchid and I have no idea where it came from, I can’t find another one!”

They gave me the plant for free!!! And it sat on my desk in my office reminding me that God loved me enough to send me something beautiful.

He cares about our tears, our broken heart and his love for us is deeper than we can imagine. People would come into my office and ask where I got such a beautiful flower. My answer “a gift from God” It wasn’t until months later I discovered how costly these flowers are when I decided I want to get another one for in my home. My first orchid was and always will be a true gift from God. 

Now when I see an orchid, I see Gods goodness, his love, his beauty, and how he views me as his daughter. But we will save that for another blog.

Holidays can be a stressful time when you are dating or married. I remember joking with a friend in light conversations about going to the “outlaws” house for certain holidays.  One day I asked why she referred to them as outlaws.  

She began to explain how she felt like an outcast and did not fit in the family circle no matter how hard she tried. I was shocked. What seemed worse was that her family loved her husband like their own. So out of frustration and exhaustion, they were deemed “Outlaws.”

Unfortunately, many of us have this experience. 

When you get to the root of why we have “outlaws,” it’s summed up in one complicated yet powerful word,

 Offense. The offense is the trigger that keeps the gun of anger locked and loaded.    

“They Burned the Bridge. Then ask why I don’t visit” -Unknown.

No one likes to feel disrespected, undervalued, overlooked, and or tolerated.  Being smiled at in person and talked about behind your back is only one example of inlaw drama.  How about being talked down, too, because your perspective is different?  It becomes an exhausting battle faced every time there is a special occasion. Unnecessary tension builds, stirring up pointless arguments where both people are feeling hurt and frustrated.

Your significant other has the pleasure of begging ripped in half during this time. The mission impossible- trying to keep everyone happy. Who will it be? Please their love or their parent? 

When will it be enough? When do we lose outlaws and remain with inlaws?

The answer is simple. When we are willing to forgive and show grace and understanding, we wish to receive. 

Maybe your spouse has tried to establish boundaries around your relationship, and the inlaws did not respect those boundaries.  FORGIVE.  

Maybe your spouse has not defended your position or set boundaries; forgive and show grace.  Perhaps you’re tired of wearing a fake smile and walking on eggshells to please the inlaws.  Show some dignity and the real you.  The more you harbor resentment and unforgiveness, the longer they will be outlaws if a civil engineer can rebuild a destroyed bridge. We can rebuild broken trust If we would stop holding on to what was lost and chose to rebuild on what’s left. 

Look for the positive and extend that grace one visit at a time.

As your spouse sees you being selfless, loving, and understanding, he will advocate for you more.  However, you may be pleasantly surprised to see the outlaws starting to grow fond of you.  Before you know it, they have become the inlaws.