Driven by love, dreams, and possibilities, we reached for the stars.

But then something happened (rather, a series of things) that began to change our life and view of the world; the world we once saw as beautiful was slowly being skewed with shreds of doubt and fear in our once unmarred hearts.

            Was it late-night shouting we heard while silently crying under the covers as mom and dad “worked out” (through angry shouts) whatever it was that was worth dishes clashing, doors slamming, and mother crying? (Most of the time, bills)

Was it the screaming and grounding for another grade that didn’t meet their expectations, driving us to become numb to our dreams while striving for their affirmation?

Was it the boy that hurt you when you trusted him? The poison of his toxic touch haunts us in our dreams, forever breading constant fear and paralyzing us in shame.

Was it the death of a friend or family that left us broken? With their passing, a piece of us died too. 

Or maybe abuse from an alcoholic father or absent mother—rejection of lover, parent, or siblings. 

            Our hearts darken with each tragic experience, so we take a silent oath never to do that, be that, or allow that for our children. Instead, we tell ourselves, “we will do better, be better, and love deeper.” Our once beautiful world of possibilities and dreams lies before us in a series of greys with a small glimpse of light shattered by our pains.

            Hiding the pain of our past to create a better future has done nothing but oppress us and pass on our toxic view of the world to the next generation. It has caused false stability and strength that reveals itself when things become challenging. But it doesn’t have to be this way. We don’t need to hide behind the safety of our own four walls and cry at night with feelings of rejection, sorrow, and failure weighing on our hearts.

            I am over it. I am over watching generations of women lay crippled by anxiety, fear, depression, and feelings of failure due to past pains that have haunted us for generations.

It’s time to slay the monsters inside.

If we look closely at some trials we have faced, unexpected and unresolved pains have appeared in its presence. They show their ugly face at our most vulnerable times. When those undealt with problems, pains, or trauma decide to make an appearance, that is our opportunity to slay those hidden monsters. They continue appearing for a reason and will continue to do so until they are dealt with.

How do we deal with such pains that have been buried for years or even decades? It is the time to shout out to the Lord, ask him to restore those broken places, and trust that he will make us whole.             

“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.”

– 1^st Peter 5:10

Have we suffered? Sure. Will we suffer again? It’s possible. But so is restoration. To be restored, we must be willing to walk through the pain of our past and trust God through the process. We must be willing to give him those hidden parts of our life as they emerge from the darkness and deal with them head-on. This means those wounds will be reopened, raw and new. Will it be painful? Of course, but we are not alone. Reach out to a trusted mentor, pastoral team, and counselors. God will pave the way to healing; In our weakness, HE is strong. He will carry us, and healing will take place, making us whole again.

Then we will once again see possibilities and beauty in a broken world.

Recently I have been thinking about my dad’s favorite scripture verse. Maybe it’s because he dropped it on me one day when he overheard me on a call with my mentor. We had just finished praying that God would reveal clear plans for my next steps in some big decisions I needed to make.  I was stressed and tired, and my dad said 

“Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with my righteous right hand “~ Isa 41:10 CSB

I instantly had peace, and tears streamed down my face. I knew things would be ok.

My dad always had a way of making things better when growing up and still does today. 

Memories flood my head of my childhood years. My siblings and I would hide as my dad excused himself from the restaurant table to speak to a stranger about Jesus.

When we were teenagers, he would stop people in the parking lot and say, 

“This may sound strange, but Jesus wants you to know he loves you.”

We would look for a place to hide our faces, yet the people he spoke with never seemed to mind. I never understood the “prompting” he was referring to as a child.  But I do now as an adult.

About a month ago, while on the phone with him, God had prompted me to remind him of his favorite verse. At this time, he had been in the hospital for weeks struggling in health. Afraid he would not make it, he began to express his fears and confess his love for me.  As his daughter, my heart broke, and I wanted to cry.  But as a woman of God, I followed the prompting of the holy spirit. 

I said, “dad, don’t be afraid… What’s your favorite scripture.”

He replied, “Isiah 41:10.”

“exactly; why is it your favorite scripture?”

Without hesitation, he explains, “because God has me share it with people at just the right time in their life.”

I reflected on his words, took a deep breath in, and spoke. “Now it’s your turn to remember… don’t be afraid, dad God has a plan; he is not finished with you yet.”

Just like that, I saw peace wash over him.  

Looking back, I am grateful that my dad made me feel uncomfortable as a child to show me what it meant to stand for Jesus.  I am thankful to have been raised by a man that loved God and showed it in his walk and action daily.  And no, he was not perfect; no man or family is. But because of his obedience, I am grounded in truth and can teach my children.  

I can honor my father in action and pray he is blessed to see how his obedience impacted his children and his children’s children.

Yea, big difference. Now I love the military, but the thought of my son giving his life for our country both makes me proud and terrifies me at the same time. 

Day in and day out, he watches YouTube videos of training and how to physically and mentally train to prepare for the most challenging training of his life. 

One afternoon after class, he was listening to a seal give a speech.  He was talking about extensive training that his men had to do to complete their seal training.  The men had to do a night swim in the ocean.  The instructors informed them about all the sharks and its danger.  However, to become a seal, you need to complete the swim.  

The instructions given to the men doing the night swim were as follows: “If you encountered sharks, do the following: If a shark circles you, do NOT swim away but stand your ground and show no fear. If the shark comes toward you, punch them in the nose with all the force you have, and the shark would swim away.” 

The soon-to-be soldiers would be facing a lot of sharks in life. They need to be ready to meet their sharks and overcome their fears to complete their assignment.

They had three choices.  Quit and walk, Fight and grind, or die in their fear.

This training was a great analogy of life and made me think.  What areas in my life are sharks swimming, and I need to stand firm and punch them in the nose?  We all have sharks to get past if we plan on accomplishing the goals we have.  The sharks won’t go away.  The question is, what will you choose to do?

Quit and walk (Wondering what it would have looked like if…)

Fight and Grind (You know it will be scary, but you are willing to face fear, and even if you fail, you will get up and do it again until you win…)

Die in fear (Allow fear to paralyze you and stay where you are…)

I refuse to quit or allow fear to keep me in an unwanted place.  So, it’s time to grind.

Poisons dart frogs are pretty cool animals. I got to teach my daycare kids about them during our rainforest month, and the kids loved them. They are tiny little things about an inch big, bright, bold colors like yellow, blue, some reds, and have fantastic markings. They are so small, super cool to look at, and are strikingly beautiful. However, their skin holds enough toxins to knock out a grown man.

As I was teaching the daycare children about these fantastic frogs, my youngest son chimed in. “Mom, they are so tiny. What if something hurts them or eats them?  How will they protect themselves?”

Instead of explaining the circle of life, I simply said. 

“God made the elephant and the dart frog.  He gave the elephant super strength and size to protect himself, but he gave the dart frog cool colors to warn predators that he was poisonous.  If a predator eats him, they will get sick or even die.”

“AWSOME” a typical boy response

That day I thought of a time I sat in a hospital bed while a nurse spoke to me about the tattoo on my arm that states faith over fear. After telling her the story as to why I decided to put that on my arm, she said 

“I love it! My husband has a tattoo that is cool like yours.”

Naturally, I ask, “What is it?”

She begins to explain, “Well, he likes frogs.  So, he came home one day with the word FROG on his arm with tree frogs on it. I was shocked and asked why in the world he would put the word frog on his body. He replied, “oh, it means FOREVER RELY ON GOD- FROG. It will give me something to talk about when people ask me the same thing you did.”

Brilliant, the man is brilliant. Just like God equipped the dart frog to protect himself and cares for all the birds in the sky and animals that roam this earth, he will care for us. 

Just remember whenever we get a little stressed and can’t see the beginning from the end, FROG- Forever Rely On God.

When my oldest turned 18, I took him to get his first tattoo. While in the chair, he looked at me and said. “Mom…when are you getting another one, and what will it be?” I quickly answered.

“It will be a reminder to me that no matter what comes my way, I need to stay strong in my faith. If I allow fear to stop me, I will never grow or move forward in the direction God has for me.” My artist was like, let me draw you up something.

A week later, I was sitting in the chair, having my piece placed on my arm. The fish, of course, is the symbolic follower of Jesus fish. The symbol in the middle of the fish means strength.

Follower of Jesus my strength comes from…Faith over Fear.

Life can get crazy, a bit messy, and at times overwhelming. So, I chose to remind myself of the source of my strength. Maybe tattoos are not your thing. That’s ok. But creating reminders that you see frequently pointing you back to God and the word is always nice.

What are ways you can remind yourself to walk in faith and not in fear? I encourage you to create a reminder. How about a good old fashion picture. Or a notecard. Maybe it’s a song that you sing. Whatever it is, make sure you have access to it daily. So you never lose sight of God’s faithfulness in the storm.