The woman with the issue of blood thought, “if I could touch his robe.” Mark 5:28

These two stories have one thing in common. Both hid from the Lord in shame. One naked and the other unclean.

Shame can be triggered by failure or inadequacy, as well as guilt. It is a powerful emotion that, if not dealt with, keeps us in a place of self-isolation or hiding. It becomes the way we either punish ourselves for our mistakes or feel we “protect” ourselves from the judgment of others.

For example, you are trying to quit smoking. However, you cave and buy a pack of cigarettes on a particularly stressful day. Instantly you feel guilty. Your mind races with all the people “you have failed,” from God to friends. You will wash your hands, spray perfume, and hide the smell, so no one finds out. Then tell yourself it was only one time and “they wouldn’t understand it won’t happen again.”(hiding)

If God does not condemn or shame us, why do we do it to ourselves or others? 

There is no freedom in shame. There is no growth in self-condemnation or shaming others. It’s an unhealthy tactic that leaves us isolated and broken.

Scripture says, “Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not conceal my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the lord,” and you forgave the guilt of my sin.” Psalm 32:5

Something powerful happens when we admit our faults, we experience freedom from guilt that causes us to live in a place of shame. God is a God of grace, mercy, and love. Not one of shame and unforgiveness. So next time you feel you failed and are too ashamed to show face. Ask the Lord to lead you and guide your steps as you overcome the bondage of shame. 

^“Above all, my brothers and sisters, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or with any other oath. But let your “yes” mean “yes,” and your “no” mean “no,” so that you won’t fall under judgment.”- James 5:12

Have you ever heard someone complaining about their workload because they took on extra work in the office? Or maybe complain because they offered to watch someone’s kids for a few hours when they did not want to. If you asked them why they offered to do something they didn’t want to do, the answer is usually one of these two “They needed my help, and I didn’t want to let them down.” Or “they had none else to do it.” Both answers are equally as wrong. If they said no, the person asking would find someone else, and if not, they would have to do it themselves or face the consequence. But instead, they find someone willing to save the day for them and overextend their calendars.

This is a classic sign of unestablished boundaries. If we don’t want to feel taken advantage of or judged for grumbling and complaining, let our yes be yes and no be no. Setting boundaries protect us from being taken advantage of, establishes respect, and prevents unnecessary stress or anxiety. 

            Living with healthy boundaries means we won’t compromise our values for someone else’s. Instead, we understand and apply safeguard on what we value most and respect others the same. Healthy boundaries also mean we are not afraid to say “no” when necessary, nor get offended if another tells us no.

However, there is a flip side. Our boundaries can also become walls. Do you know the difference?

When we hide behind walls under the illusion of boundaries, it may look like this

“I’m just a private person” while we avoid building new relationships. “sorry, it’s been a while since we have connected; I’ve just been busy.” As we keep a safe distance from too many “friends .” We build walls of isolation, refusing to ask for help and maintaining a safe distance to prevent rejection. After a while, we realize that we have created a fortress of excuses to keep ourselves from being hurt. 

In our attempt to protect ourselves, We have hardened our hearts, fractured our spirits, and become lonely or bitter, wondering if we matter to anyone. We can often replay past hurts and justify our “boundaries,” but it all stems from pain and unforgiveness when we get to the root. One of the hardest things we must do is practice regular forgiveness. The Bible tells us to love our neighbor, and if we are hiding behind walls, we can’t do that. Nor did we ever forgive them for past hurts, leaving us captive to past pains and bitter hearts.

The good news is that no matter how big our walls are, God is with us. He is only a whisper away, waiting to take the walls down. However, that requires us to trust the Lord.

 Ezekiel 36:26  states, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”

Suppose you are tired of living behind walls; it’s time to invite God into those broken places and let him restore your heart. It’s time to take a chance with people and practice healthy boundaries but be ready to forgive should someone cross the line (and they will).

Establishing healthy boundaries and trusting God will make things right when we’ve been wronged and allow us to live freely

The light in my eyes dimed that cold November night as I heard the Doctor say

“There is nothing more we can do to help your father, Mrs. Whitley. The truth is we need to consider hospice. Do you know how your father wishes to live out the remaining time of his life?”

A knot slowly forms in my throat. I swallowed it back, took a breath, and responded, “home” the sound of defeat echoed in my head.

“I understand this is a hard decision, Mrs. Whitley. I can set up palliative care to help your family through this process.”

As I fought back tears, I thanked the Dr. for his time.

That night I felt my world unravel, my heart began to crack, and my life would soon change.

I cried to my husband,

“I can’t do this… I can’t bring dad home and watch him die. Our kids will lose their grandfather; it will break them. I am not strong enough for this.”

He listened to me cry, and he encouraged me that we would be ok. Then, desperate for answers, I reached out to a friend who works in hospice. I explained to her what the Dr had said and how I felt.

“Julie,” She began, “this is not about you or the family anymore. This is about dad and how you guys can help him. You are strong enough, and you will do this. I know it may not feel it now, but this is the greatest gift you can give him.”

I went to sleep and woke up with renewed strength and peace. God shifted my perspective, and I felt ready for what was to come.

Over the next few weeks, my life was put on hold as I watched my father’s life slip away little by little each day. I wish I could say that it felt like a blessing, but it was the hardest thing I had ever done. Day in and out, I would hold his hand and sing worship. My mother and sister would help me with his care round the clock, making sure he was comfortable. I treasured the moments I sat holding his hand, telling him how much he meant to me, reminding him that I was still his little girl even at this moment. Most nights, I would look at my father’s weak hand resting in mine and remember when he had strong hands that kept me safe. Now my hands are the ones that bring him comfort.  

The whole process was overwhelming. Filled with waves of emotion from anxiety to sorrow,

But I was not alone.

God was with me every step of the way. He was the source of my strength and peace. In my tears, he was my comforter; in my pain, he was my peacemaker; in sorrow, he filled me with joy (yes, even in the darkness). God sustained me. As pain permeated my home at his passing, God kept me standing.

Sometimes life does not go as we planned. We can be on the verge of something big, a promotion, book launch, graduation day, or business launch, and something stops us right in our tracks. 

It can be from something as simple as life’s minor interruptions to something more devastating, like a bad health report of the death of a loved one. But, unfortunately, those interruptions are more like showstoppers. They can paralyze us all together and shatter both our will and spirit.

But we have a choice to make at this time. We can choose to let God speak and move in our interruption or stay stuck in our pain, allowing everything to stop in our lives.

Right before King David died, he looked at his son Solomon (who he had just made king) and said

“As for me, I am going the way of all of the earth. Be strong and be a man, and keep your obligations to the Lord your God to walk in his ways and to keep his statutes, ordinances, and decrees. This is written in the law of Moses, So you have success in everything you do and where ever you turn.” 1 Kings 2:2-3 (CSB)

When I read this chapter, I felt like my father had reached down from the heavens and had given me direction. David encouraged his son even as he was dying.

When you are staring in the face of your dying parent, there is brokenness like no other. Loneliness sets in deep in your soul; there is an emptiness that fills the place where your heartbeats, and though your outward man looks strong, your inward man is fragile.

David told Solomon to be strong, be a man, follow the ways of the Lord.

In other words, he could see the pain in his eyes; he knew what his son would face. Likewise, David knew what facing death and loss felt like. So he encouraged him to stay the course and be a good man, a man that would draw his strength, wisdom, and direction from God.

A man won’t fall apart and leave his kingdom for ruins. But he will lead it with pride and conviction as God leads him.

Losing my father was and at times still is a grieving  I can’t explain. Nothing fills that space or loss; accept the love and promise of God.

Reading about David and Solomon was a beautiful moment.   A moment of promise and hope.   A moment of love and encouragement. The words charged thru me like fire.

Ladies in your brokenness, be strong, be a woman, follow the ways of the Lord. Don’t stop in pain and let go of all God has placed in your hands. Keep your head up and allow God to grow you in pain. Day to day, moment to moment, as we follow him, he will continue to restore our souls and anything stolen from us. Let’s walk like Solomon. 

After David passed, Solomon continued to obey what his father had asked. He led with authority, conviction, and wisdom. Solomon’s kingdom was established under him because of his obedience. It happened thru pain. Sometimes the pain is congruent with our blessing. So when we are amid great distress or trials, Keep our eyes on the Lord (even if they are filled with tears). Dig into his word. Position your heart in a posture of worship. And finally, trust God with every fiber of your being.

Being a leader means you can cast vision, inspire change or greatness, motivate, solve problems, and get the job done. However, while there are perks to being in a position of influence, there is also a price to pay.

Leaders are held to a higher standard, must walk above reproach, and at times, will make less than popular decisions. But, unfortunately, those decisions can lead to tremendous amounts of stress, anxiety, and uncertainty.  

If you’re in this position, you may have the skillset and drive to make a difference. But skill set and drive are not enough to sustain you in adversity. We need something more. Something to feed our soul when the fire is running low. Something to help us keep on the right path and push on.

Joshua 1:5-9 says, “No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.  Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their ancestors to give them. Joshua 1:5-6 (NIV)

In this chapter, Joshua (Moses’s assistant) was charged to lead the people over the Jordan after Moses had passed. He went from assisting the leader to becoming the leader—all responsibilities for these people and decisions were now his to make. I am sure the stress was great as he thought of finishing the work Moses had started.

Joshua was there when the Israelites complained and watched as Moses interceded. He saw Moses act in his strength and witnessed all the times he got before the Lord for wisdom and guidance. He watched Moses both mess up as a leader and seek forgiveness. Joshua understood the weight of responsibility and so naturally had some fear.

But God encouraged him. In verses 7-9, He said, “Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go.  Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:5-9 (NIV)

I love the end of this verse, “Have I not commanded you?…” see If God put you in a position of leadership. If he opened the door for you to lead a company, a team, or a ministry of some sort, Then He has already paved the way for you to walk in that call and do it well. It requires strength and courage and complete confidence and trust in God, especially in our weakness. And it requires obedience.

 So, if you are in leadership and you are at a crossroads, I would encourage you to

1. Seek God in all circumstances and obey the direction he puts before you. (Even if it’s not the popular choice)
2. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, not on circumstance
3. Meditate on his word. Allowing it to come alive inside of you so we can pour it out.
4. Never compromise your character. The greatest leaders of the Bible followed God’s word. We are no different. Read and walk out the word. This way, you may be above reproach.

Lastly, remember God Commanded Joshua to be strong and courageous and told him that he would not leave nor forsake him. Like Moses & Joshua, he will also be with us. In our weakness, we need to choose to trust in the Lord and lean on him for understanding. In that posture, we will find strength, courage, and the ability to walk in peace. In our obedience, God will prosper us.