^“Above all, my brothers and sisters, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or with any other oath. But let your “yes” mean “yes,” and your “no” mean “no,” so that you won’t fall under judgment.”- James 5:12

Have you ever heard someone complaining about their workload because they took on extra work in the office? Or maybe complain because they offered to watch someone’s kids for a few hours when they did not want to. If you asked them why they offered to do something they didn’t want to do, the answer is usually one of these two “They needed my help, and I didn’t want to let them down.” Or “they had none else to do it.” Both answers are equally as wrong. If they said no, the person asking would find someone else, and if not, they would have to do it themselves or face the consequence. But instead, they find someone willing to save the day for them and overextend their calendars.

This is a classic sign of unestablished boundaries. If we don’t want to feel taken advantage of or judged for grumbling and complaining, let our yes be yes and no be no. Setting boundaries protect us from being taken advantage of, establishes respect, and prevents unnecessary stress or anxiety. 

            Living with healthy boundaries means we won’t compromise our values for someone else’s. Instead, we understand and apply safeguard on what we value most and respect others the same. Healthy boundaries also mean we are not afraid to say “no” when necessary, nor get offended if another tells us no.

However, there is a flip side. Our boundaries can also become walls. Do you know the difference?

When we hide behind walls under the illusion of boundaries, it may look like this

“I’m just a private person” while we avoid building new relationships. “sorry, it’s been a while since we have connected; I’ve just been busy.” As we keep a safe distance from too many “friends .” We build walls of isolation, refusing to ask for help and maintaining a safe distance to prevent rejection. After a while, we realize that we have created a fortress of excuses to keep ourselves from being hurt. 

In our attempt to protect ourselves, We have hardened our hearts, fractured our spirits, and become lonely or bitter, wondering if we matter to anyone. We can often replay past hurts and justify our “boundaries,” but it all stems from pain and unforgiveness when we get to the root. One of the hardest things we must do is practice regular forgiveness. The Bible tells us to love our neighbor, and if we are hiding behind walls, we can’t do that. Nor did we ever forgive them for past hurts, leaving us captive to past pains and bitter hearts.

The good news is that no matter how big our walls are, God is with us. He is only a whisper away, waiting to take the walls down. However, that requires us to trust the Lord.

 Ezekiel 36:26  states, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”

Suppose you are tired of living behind walls; it’s time to invite God into those broken places and let him restore your heart. It’s time to take a chance with people and practice healthy boundaries but be ready to forgive should someone cross the line (and they will).

Establishing healthy boundaries and trusting God will make things right when we’ve been wronged and allow us to live freely

Speaking from experience, I was guilty of some of those statements myself. During that time in my life, I was overworked, underappreciated, burnt out, and unhappy.  No good to anyone, yet I kept trying to be everything to everyone. My pastor used to tell me, “Julie, you have many talents, but you can’t do it all and do it all with excellence” Instead of heading to his wisdom, I took it as a challenge to prove him wrong showing him my value as a staff member.  However, that led me right to ministry burnout.  

One exhausting night I picked up a book written by Lysa TerKeurst called “The Best Yes.”

This book was filled with information I already knew but chose to ignore. However, it opened my eyes to the significant impacted my choice made on my spiritual well-being by choosing not to change my behavior.

The simple lesson was the importance of saying no. 

We all have endless amounts of responsibilities; however, How and when they get to be executed matters. When we say yes to something, we are saying no to something else, so before we give our yes away, we need to ask ourselves what we are willing to sacrifice on that to-do list.

We want to live a life of peace and balance—no stress and chaos. So, before we give away our “yes,” hold it thru the filter of how will this impact my overall day and week? What am I sacrificing by taking this task on?  How will it affect my attitude, family, and well-being? If any of those answers are negative, you may want to reconsider your “yes” and be honest with yourself and the people around you.  Balance and boundaries are not something you find. It’s something you create. Be intentional with your time. It’s precious.  Making healthy boundaries in our life creates balance in our day-to-day routines.  It also shows others where the line ends and begins. It creates clarity, and people know what to expect from you.  It also prevents burnout and confusion. Now and then, we will have to make adjustments to our schedules, especially as the seasons change.  However, the truth remains the same.  Maintain a healthy lifestyle, and spiritual well-being starts with balance.

 As Lysa stated, “The decisions you make determine the schedule you keep. The schedule you keep determines the life that you live…”

 Let’s be women that live our best life and know our “Best Yes.”