Monsters Inside
We were daughters, sisters, nieces, and friends at one time. We had dreams (big ones), and the world was our playground full of hope and endless possibilities.
Driven by love, dreams, and possibilities, we reached for the stars.
But then something happened (rather, a series of things) that began to change our life and view of the world; the world we once saw as beautiful was slowly being skewed with shreds of doubt and fear in our once unmarred hearts.
Was it late-night shouting we heard while silently crying under the covers as mom and dad “worked out” (through angry shouts) whatever it was that was worth dishes clashing, doors slamming, and mother crying? (Most of the time, bills)
Was it the screaming and grounding for another grade that didn’t meet their expectations, driving us to become numb to our dreams while striving for their affirmation?
Was it the boy that hurt you when you trusted him? The poison of his toxic touch haunts us in our dreams, forever breading constant fear and paralyzing us in shame.
Was it the death of a friend or family that left us broken? With their passing, a piece of us died too.
Or maybe abuse from an alcoholic father or absent mother—rejection of lover, parent, or siblings.
Our hearts darken with each tragic experience, so we take a silent oath never to do that, be that, or allow that for our children. Instead, we tell ourselves, “we will do better, be better, and love deeper.” Our once beautiful world of possibilities and dreams lies before us in a series of greys with a small glimpse of light shattered by our pains.
Hiding the pain of our past to create a better future has done nothing but oppress us and pass on our toxic view of the world to the next generation. It has caused false stability and strength that reveals itself when things become challenging. But it doesn’t have to be this way. We don’t need to hide behind the safety of our own four walls and cry at night with feelings of rejection, sorrow, and failure weighing on our hearts.
I am over it. I am over watching generations of women lay crippled by anxiety, fear, depression, and feelings of failure due to past pains that have haunted us for generations.
It’s time to slay the monsters inside.
If we look closely at some trials we have faced, unexpected and unresolved pains have appeared in its presence. They show their ugly face at our most vulnerable times. When those undealt with problems, pains, or trauma decide to make an appearance, that is our opportunity to slay those hidden monsters. They continue appearing for a reason and will continue to do so until they are dealt with.
How do we deal with such pains that have been buried for years or even decades? It is the time to shout out to the Lord, ask him to restore those broken places, and trust that he will make us whole.
“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.”
– 1st Peter 5:10
Have we suffered? Sure. Will we suffer again? It’s possible. But so is restoration. To be restored, we must be willing to walk through the pain of our past and trust God through the process. We must be willing to give him those hidden parts of our life as they emerge from the darkness and deal with them head-on. This means those wounds will be reopened, raw and new. Will it be painful? Of course, but we are not alone. Reach out to a trusted mentor, pastoral team, and counselors. God will pave the way to healing; In our weakness, HE is strong. He will carry us, and healing will take place, making us whole again.
Then we will once again see possibilities and beauty in a broken world.
