Interrupted – IN/EX Women

Monsters Inside

jwhitley527 — Wed, 26 Oct 2022 13:16:08 +0000

We were daughters, sisters, nieces, and friends at one time. We had dreams (big ones), and the world was our playground full of hope and endless possibilities.

Driven by love, dreams, and possibilities, we reached for the stars.

But then something happened (rather, a series of things) that began to change our life and view of the world; the world we once saw as beautiful was slowly being skewed with shreds of doubt and fear in our once unmarred hearts.

Was it late-night shouting we heard while silently crying under the covers as mom and dad “worked out” (through angry shouts) whatever it was that was worth dishes clashing, doors slamming, and mother crying? (Most of the time, bills)

Was it the screaming and grounding for another grade that didn’t meet their expectations, driving us to become numb to our dreams while striving for their affirmation?

Was it the boy that hurt you when you trusted him? The poison of his toxic touch haunts us in our dreams, forever breading constant fear and paralyzing us in shame.

Was it the death of a friend or family that left us broken? With their passing, a piece of us died too.

Or maybe abuse from an alcoholic father or absent mother—rejection of lover, parent, or siblings.

Our hearts darken with each tragic experience, so we take a silent oath never to do that, be that, or allow that for our children. Instead, we tell ourselves, “we will do better, be better, and love deeper.” Our once beautiful world of possibilities and dreams lies before us in a series of greys with a small glimpse of light shattered by our pains.

Hiding the pain of our past to create a better future has done nothing but oppress us and pass on our toxic view of the world to the next generation. It has caused false stability and strength that reveals itself when things become challenging. But it doesn’t have to be this way. We don’t need to hide behind the safety of our own four walls and cry at night with feelings of rejection, sorrow, and failure weighing on our hearts.

I am over it. I am over watching generations of women lay crippled by anxiety, fear, depression, and feelings of failure due to past pains that have haunted us for generations.

It’s time to slay the monsters inside.

If we look closely at some trials we have faced, unexpected and unresolved pains have appeared in its presence. They show their ugly face at our most vulnerable times. When those undealt with problems, pains, or trauma decide to make an appearance, that is our opportunity to slay those hidden monsters. They continue appearing for a reason and will continue to do so until they are dealt with.

How do we deal with such pains that have been buried for years or even decades? It is the time to shout out to the Lord, ask him to restore those broken places, and trust that he will make us whole.

“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.”

– 1^st Peter 5:10

Have we suffered? Sure. Will we suffer again? It’s possible. But so is restoration. To be restored, we must be willing to walk through the pain of our past and trust God through the process. We must be willing to give him those hidden parts of our life as they emerge from the darkness and deal with them head-on. This means those wounds will be reopened, raw and new. Will it be painful? Of course, but we are not alone. Reach out to a trusted mentor, pastoral team, and counselors. God will pave the way to healing; In our weakness, HE is strong. He will carry us, and healing will take place, making us whole again.

Then we will once again see possibilities and beauty in a broken world.

Lost Treasure

jwhitley527 — Tue, 02 Aug 2022 23:30:00 +0000

When you inherit something from a loved one that has passed or are given something of value from a person you love, that item becomes an irreplaceable treasure. Of course, we guard that treasure with our hearts, and it holds significant meaning in our lives. But we need to be careful not to attach the love for an individual to a treasure that can be lost.

After 16 years, my husband and I planned a vow renewal at one of our favorite beaches in the Tampa area.

The weather was perfect, and we planned a boat ride around the bay.

“Make sure you take your jewelry off, babe,” Matt said

“ok, ok..” I responded while packing coolers and applying sunscreen to the children.

In minutes all eight of us were loaded up in the van and on our way to the marina.

The ocean was beautiful, the sun shone, and the kids were happy. Matt navigated the boat through rough waters like a pro, and we all enjoyed our time at sea. Soon we would be getting ready for our vow renewal.

As I imagined what the evening would bring, I glanced down at my hand, and my nightmare was now a reality; my diamond was gone.

Frantic, I grabbed my ears, neck, and other hand to ensure all my other jewelry had their stones. Then, my oldest son, mother, and I scoured the boat, hoping to find my diamond, but nothing.

I walked off that boat in defeat, and with my husband’s words echoing through my head (babe, make sure you take off your jewelry), I showed him what had happened. We reported it to the marina and went on our way.

I was mad at myself for not remembering to remove my jewelry after Matt had warned me. I was broken that the beautiful engagement ring he worked so hard for was gone. The ring that signified he chose me to be his wife lay somewhere at the bottom of the ocean, and it was my fault. My treasure was gone.

Matt suggested we use the ring on my left hand for our vow renewal ceremony. With a broken heart, I agreed. Right before we walked down the sandy aisle, Matt looked at me and said, “It will be ok; your ring will get fixed. You still have me. I am right here.” And just like that, my perspective changed.

He was right. I looked at the blessings around me: my children, family, and husband. I am a lucky woman that he would choose to do life with me repeatedly, ring or no ring.

Even though my brain knew his love for me was not attached to the ring, it took losing it to open my eyes. The proof of his passion was not in my ring. It’s in his commitment to love, honor, and provide for me daily. The diamond though precious, was just a symbol to show the world. It was not my treasure; he is, and that love goes deeper than diamonds, even if it lies at the bottom of the ocean.

Mom your Perfect

jwhitley527 — Tue, 26 Jul 2022 23:30:00 +0000

One morning I decided to videotape myself doing abdominal exercises. I stood in front of my phone and lifted my shirt, exposing my overstretched stomach. The disgust on my face must have been evident while I contracted my core and muscles and released. I continued to tape to see how long I could hold each contraction. When my son says from the kitchen, “mommy, why are you trying to change how God made you?”

Surprised at his comment, I shut off the camera and said, “I am just exercising, bud, not changing myself.”

Spencer looks at me and says, “Why are you unhappy? If God made you perfect, why are you trying to change how he made you.”

“Bud, God did not make me fat. I did that all myself, so I need to change that too.”

“Mom, your still perfect,” and he walks away.

Sometimes we must be reminded that how we see ourselves is not how God sees us. We are his perfect creation with our flaws and all.

She’s Not Perfect

jwhitley527 — Mon, 13 Jun 2022 14:30:00 +0000

She’s not perfect. She will fall, fail, cry, and get frustrated.

She’s not perfect. She will make mistakes and doubt her abilities.

She’s not perfect. Though she seems to have it all together.

She’s not perfect. So stop comparing your life to hers.

The difference between failing and failure is that when we fail at something, we try and did not succeed. Failure means we accepted failing and gave up.

Motherhood has no room for failures. We all fall short, so learn from the shortcomings and grow from them. In every “failure,” there is an opportunity to grow and show.

Grow from the mistake and show your children how to come back and succeed.

Show your children you are not perfect but will consistently love them, challenge them and grow them.

Show your children perseverance instead of trying to be someone else’s ideal.

Focus on the woman God created you to be because she is not perfect.

Say It

jwhitley527 — Tue, 03 May 2022 13:41:00 +0000

Growing up, I had a fiery temper and a short fuse, and because I often spoke before thinking things through, I would cause a lot of conflicts or hurt. However, I was quick to defend my position no matter the cost and never back down.

My mother would say, “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything.”

But I was stubborn, feisty, and opinionated, so I was quick with the tongue lashing if I felt threatened. Then, as I got older, if my friends reminded me (if they thought I was too harsh). “Julie, if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything.

I realized that maybe my perspective was not always proper or valued the same way I felt it should be. So to maintain friendships and stay out of trouble, I exercised biting my tongue (even if I thought I was wronged).

I became good at keeping the peace (when I wanted to), smiling, and nodding at family functions, school, and the workplace. Just get through the day and process it out later in the safety of my home. It would be okay if no one fell victim to my fiery arrows. I became so good at biting my tongue and complying that I was surprised that it failed to work in my marriage. Instead, it does the exact opposite. It breeds resentment and division.

Communication is critical in any healthy relationship, even more so in a marriage. So when conflict arises, and we stay silent, we speak volumes to our spouse without words.

We simply say we don’t care to deal with the problem. That may not be true, but no response is still a response; it’s rejection.

It is better to let the cat out of the bag and deal with the disaster it causes than stay silent and try to fix the division and assumptions caused by lack of communication.

Our marriages won’t always be perfect, but how we communicate matters. Communication brings us to understanding, and understanding brings us closer together. Even the most painful conversations can end in growth if we seek to understand.

So the next time, you feel like shutting down and staying silent. Don’t just say it, and work it out one day at a time.

Cats Play

jwhitley527 — Tue, 19 Apr 2022 15:10:00 +0000

After being married for 15 years, my husband and I took our first-weekend getaway alone! It was the most fantastic time we have ever had. We laughed, explored, loved, and learned new things about each other. It was a time of reconnecting and well needed.

That weekend showed us how much we had neglected ourselves as a couple without intention. So we vowed to make weekenders a regular investment.

If you have not had a weekend alone with the hubby, find a trusted sitter and take the plunge. Invest in your intimacy; there is nothing like rekindling a fire and watching it burn.

Weekenders: Need to plan and save.

Somewhere warm, NOT close to home (we went to St Pete’s Beach and did all the things)
Camping (if you like the woods)
Local – weekend honeymoon sweet room service and relaxation

Day Trips: Send Kids away for the weekend

Spend the day hiking
Go to a show and dinner
Get a couples massage and movie night
Explore new areas, new towns… somewhere you have not been

No matter which way you choose to spend the time. The key is to send the mice away so the cats can play. Enjoy each other with no distractions.

Recharge

jwhitley527 — Tue, 12 Apr 2022 15:00:00 +0000

Girls (moms) wanna have fun!

YES, it is ok for us to have fun, to schedule time away from the kids, house, husband, and chores once in a while.

Time to regroup and recharge is desperately needed yet often overlooked. Getting away from the endless demands of motherhood, even for just two hours, can make us feel like a whole new person.

Here are some things I enjoy doing for a quick, inexpensive recharge.

Walk the trails by the waterfall with a camera.
Get a cup of coffee with a friend and look at books
Paint Night at a friend’s house or craft place
Pedi
Sit somewhere quiet and read or write. (bookstore, coffee shop, or lake)

Here are things to do for a well-needed rest & recharge. (If you have coverage for kids & budget allows)

Women retreat (recharge with Godly women)
Book an Evening or weekend somewhere new alone or with a girlfriend and explore. Take pictures, shop, pamper yourself, and enjoy the change. (the kids will be ok)
Concert with friends. Laughter is medicine for the soul. There is nothing like dinner and a show with good friends.

The bottom line is no matter how small the break is, take it. Give yourself the time to refocus and breathe. Your family will appreciate the renewed you. You won’t regret it.

Present over Busy

jwhitley527 — Sat, 12 Mar 2022 14:55:00 +0000

“My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger,” – James 1:19 (CSB)

I will be the first to admit it is super hard to listen and not shout or get angry when you are on the phone, and the kids start fighting or asking you fifty questions. The last thing I want to do after a long day is listen to the kids bickering while playing referee when I have a few things to finish up.

Just one more text, one more call. Hold on; I must send this one last e-mail to join you. Oh, wait, the laundry needs to get folded, diner needs to be served, and kitchen cleaned. After that, I’ll sit with you.

Let’s be honest, ladies, our “to do” list is NEVER done. We are racing against the clock day in and day out, trying to be “the best mom.” We want to achieve greatness by accomplishing our goals and executing our to-do list. The problem is there is always one more thing. That list is never finished.

Welcome to motherhood. Officially the only job that is never-ending. The bible says

“My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger,” – James 1:19 (CSB)

I find that a challenge if we are forever busy. But, if we continue to burn the candle at both ends, we will always respond from a place of stress and frustration. We will miss what our children say to us for not being present. We will be quick with our tongue and feel bad later once they’re in bed. And more often than not, our frustrations will make us short-fused.

Yes, the demands of motherhood are great but so are the blessings; we need to choose to be present over busy to see it. The sound of laughter filling our home, an accomplished smile when they achieve something great—being there to comfort them when they are afraid or have a coffee while watching them play.

It’s the simple things that pass us by when we choose that “one more thing,” like a little story or a random kiss. Those are moments we don’t get back. Yes, we all have a “to-do” list, but some days we need to learn to let go of the busy. Unplug, unwind and be present. Those are moments they will remember forever (and so will we)

Be Kind

jwhitley527 — Mon, 07 Feb 2022 14:52:00 +0000

Being a wife and a mom has its challenges, but the truth is we are our own worst enemy. We have set a “perfect mom” bar of expectation that is impossible to attain.

How many of us have ever said this at the end of a long and frustrating day?

“Ugh, I failed again… it was takeout for dinner again because I have no time to cook, I lost my temper with my kids, took my frustration out on my husband, barely had the energy to help my friends or family; why can’t I be better?”

I am so guilty of this at times. But where does the desire to be “better mothers” come from? Are we comparing our lives to someone else’s that appears better in public? Are we comparing ourselves to the pains of our past, hoping we don’t make the same mistakes our parents had that caused us pain? Either way, we need to remember we are not perfect. We will fall short, but what we do in those moments matters. If we want to fall short less, we need to remember that love is kind.

This week’s challenge is to love ourselves as much as we love others. Take the time to rejuvenate and refresh. Go to the gym, out for coffee, paint night, or read in peace. Whatever recharges your battery, carve out the time to do it consistently. This way, you are a little less short because you have filled your cup. Now you will have the energy and mental capacity to pour into others.

Being kind to yourself is not neglecting your children but showing them that you love them enough to give them your best, which means mommy needs to fuel herself to prevent mommy burnout.

Also, remember we are not perfect and will have days where our family gets our ugly side. Yup, you will lose your cool and fall short. But how you handle it matters. This February, remember Love is KIND. Own your shortcomings, ask for forgiveness, & let it go. Take a moment to hold them close, tell them you love them, and breathe.

Remove the “perfect mom” bar of expectation and set the bar of grace. It’s not easy to be kind to ourselves, but we can show our families the different dimensions of love with a bit of practice.

Love Challenge

jwhitley527 — Wed, 02 Feb 2022 14:46:00 +0000

Hello, Mamas,

Welcome to February, the month of Love.

With valentine’s day fast approaching, so many people are trying to plan something special to show their loved ones how much they mean. From a box of chocolates and stuffed animals to flowers and romantic dinner, there are many ways to show or receive this gift of Love.

Although Valentine’s day is a beautiful sentiment, it has never been one of my favorite holidays. When my husband and I were dating, we discussed marriage often. One evening we saw a show where a man had proposed to a woman on Valentine’s Day. I looked at Matt and said, “Don’t ever do that to me.”

He looked at me surprised and said, “why not? I thought it was romantic.”

In disbelief, I said, “proposing on a holiday is a cop-out. A man shouldn’t need a holiday to ask a woman to be his wife. If you ever purpose to me, it should be because you gave it a good amount of thought without a holiday attached.”

Matt proposed a week later, February 13th. Honestly, I was shocked, and after I accepted the proposal, he said, “it was not on Valentine’s Day.“

Even though that was so long ago, I still feel the same. I don’t think there is anything wrong with celebrating our loved ones and showing love for them. However, I do feel like we give this holiday too much weight. We should be taking time for each other regularly throughout the year, not just on a particular day.

This month, as we continue to give love to others, I challenge you to take the time to love yourself. Yup, I said it. It’s time to learn to love ourselves and all our imperfections. When we fill our cup, it’s easier to pour our love into those around us.