jwhitley527 – IN/EX Women https://exhalepeace.org Let God meet you in the chaos Wed, 26 Oct 2022 13:16:11 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.4.4 https://exhalepeace.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/cropped-JulieinexlogoPURPLE-32x32.png jwhitley527 – IN/EX Women https://exhalepeace.org 32 32 Monsters Inside https://exhalepeace.org/monsters-inside/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=monsters-inside Wed, 26 Oct 2022 13:16:08 +0000 https://exhalepeace.org/?p=1604 We were daughters, sisters, nieces, and friends at one time. We had dreams (big ones), and the world was our playground full of hope and endless possibilities.

Driven by love, dreams, and possibilities, we reached for the stars.

But then something happened (rather, a series of things) that began to change our life and view of the world; the world we once saw as beautiful was slowly being skewed with shreds of doubt and fear in our once unmarred hearts.

            Was it late-night shouting we heard while silently crying under the covers as mom and dad “worked out” (through angry shouts) whatever it was that was worth dishes clashing, doors slamming, and mother crying? (Most of the time, bills)

Was it the screaming and grounding for another grade that didn’t meet their expectations, driving us to become numb to our dreams while striving for their affirmation?

Was it the boy that hurt you when you trusted him? The poison of his toxic touch haunts us in our dreams, forever breading constant fear and paralyzing us in shame.

Was it the death of a friend or family that left us broken? With their passing, a piece of us died too. 

Or maybe abuse from an alcoholic father or absent mother—rejection of lover, parent, or siblings. 

            Our hearts darken with each tragic experience, so we take a silent oath never to do that, be that, or allow that for our children. Instead, we tell ourselves, “we will do better, be better, and love deeper.” Our once beautiful world of possibilities and dreams lies before us in a series of greys with a small glimpse of light shattered by our pains.

            Hiding the pain of our past to create a better future has done nothing but oppress us and pass on our toxic view of the world to the next generation. It has caused false stability and strength that reveals itself when things become challenging. But it doesn’t have to be this way. We don’t need to hide behind the safety of our own four walls and cry at night with feelings of rejection, sorrow, and failure weighing on our hearts.

            I am over it. I am over watching generations of women lay crippled by anxiety, fear, depression, and feelings of failure due to past pains that have haunted us for generations.

It’s time to slay the monsters inside.

If we look closely at some trials we have faced, unexpected and unresolved pains have appeared in its presence. They show their ugly face at our most vulnerable times. When those undealt with problems, pains, or trauma decide to make an appearance, that is our opportunity to slay those hidden monsters. They continue appearing for a reason and will continue to do so until they are dealt with.

How do we deal with such pains that have been buried for years or even decades? It is the time to shout out to the Lord, ask him to restore those broken places, and trust that he will make us whole.             

“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.”

– 1st Peter 5:10

Have we suffered? Sure. Will we suffer again? It’s possible. But so is restoration. To be restored, we must be willing to walk through the pain of our past and trust God through the process. We must be willing to give him those hidden parts of our life as they emerge from the darkness and deal with them head-on. This means those wounds will be reopened, raw and new. Will it be painful? Of course, but we are not alone. Reach out to a trusted mentor, pastoral team, and counselors. God will pave the way to healing; In our weakness, HE is strong. He will carry us, and healing will take place, making us whole again.

Then we will once again see possibilities and beauty in a broken world.

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Hiding https://exhalepeace.org/hiding/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=hiding https://exhalepeace.org/hiding/#comments Tue, 09 Aug 2022 11:44:00 +0000 https://exhalepeace.org/?p=1600 They hid when called because they were naked. Gen 2:25

The woman with the issue of blood thought, “if I could touch his robe.” Mark 5:28

These two stories have one thing in common. Both hid from the Lord in shame. One naked and the other unclean.

Shame can be triggered by failure or inadequacy, as well as guilt. It is a powerful emotion that, if not dealt with, keeps us in a place of self-isolation or hiding. It becomes the way we either punish ourselves for our mistakes or feel we “protect” ourselves from the judgment of others.

For example, you are trying to quit smoking. However, you cave and buy a pack of cigarettes on a particularly stressful day. Instantly you feel guilty. Your mind races with all the people “you have failed,” from God to friends. You will wash your hands, spray perfume, and hide the smell, so no one finds out. Then tell yourself it was only one time and “they wouldn’t understand it won’t happen again.”(hiding)

If God does not condemn or shame us, why do we do it to ourselves or others? 

There is no freedom in shame. There is no growth in self-condemnation or shaming others. It’s an unhealthy tactic that leaves us isolated and broken.

Scripture says, “Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not conceal my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the lord,” and you forgave the guilt of my sin.” Psalm 32:5

Something powerful happens when we admit our faults, we experience freedom from guilt that causes us to live in a place of shame. God is a God of grace, mercy, and love. Not one of shame and unforgiveness. So next time you feel you failed and are too ashamed to show face. Ask the Lord to lead you and guide your steps as you overcome the bondage of shame. 

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Lost Treasure https://exhalepeace.org/lost-treasure/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=lost-treasure Tue, 02 Aug 2022 23:30:00 +0000 https://exhalepeace.org/?p=1595 When you inherit something from a loved one that has passed or are given something of value from a person you love, that item becomes an irreplaceable treasure. Of course, we guard that treasure with our hearts, and it holds significant meaning in our lives. But we need to be careful not to attach the love for an individual to a treasure that can be lost. 

After 16 years, my husband and I planned a vow renewal at one of our favorite beaches in the Tampa area.

The weather was perfect, and we planned a boat ride around the bay. 

“Make sure you take your jewelry off, babe,” Matt said

“ok, ok..” I responded while packing coolers and applying sunscreen to the children.

In minutes all eight of us were loaded up in the van and on our way to the marina.

The ocean was beautiful, the sun shone, and the kids were happy. Matt navigated the boat through rough waters like a pro, and we all enjoyed our time at sea. Soon we would be getting ready for our vow renewal.

As I imagined what the evening would bring, I glanced down at my hand, and my nightmare was now a reality; my diamond was gone.

Frantic, I grabbed my ears, neck, and other hand to ensure all my other jewelry had their stones. Then, my oldest son, mother, and I scoured the boat, hoping to find my diamond, but nothing.

I walked off that boat in defeat, and with my husband’s words echoing through my head (babe, make sure you take off your jewelry), I showed him what had happened. We reported it to the marina and went on our way. 

I was mad at myself for not remembering to remove my jewelry after Matt had warned me. I was broken that the beautiful engagement ring he worked so hard for was gone. The ring that signified he chose me to be his wife lay somewhere at the bottom of the ocean, and it was my fault. My treasure was gone.

 Matt suggested we use the ring on my left hand for our vow renewal ceremony. With a broken heart, I agreed. Right before we walked down the sandy aisle, Matt looked at me and said, “It will be ok; your ring will get fixed. You still have me. I am right here.” And just like that, my perspective changed.

He was right. I looked at the blessings around me: my children, family, and husband. I am a lucky woman that he would choose to do life with me repeatedly, ring or no ring.

Even though my brain knew his love for me was not attached to the ring, it took losing it to open my eyes. The proof of his passion was not in my ring. It’s in his commitment to love, honor, and provide for me daily. The diamond though precious, was just a symbol to show the world. It was not my treasure; he is, and that love goes deeper than diamonds, even if it lies at the bottom of the ocean. 

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Mom your Perfect https://exhalepeace.org/mom-your-perfect/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=mom-your-perfect Tue, 26 Jul 2022 23:30:00 +0000 https://exhalepeace.org/?p=1592 One morning I decided to videotape myself doing abdominal exercises. I stood in front of my phone and lifted my shirt, exposing my overstretched stomach. The disgust on my face must have been evident while I contracted my core and muscles and released. I continued to tape to see how long I could hold each contraction. When my son says from the kitchen, “mommy, why are you trying to change how God made you?”

Surprised at his comment, I shut off the camera and said, “I am just exercising, bud, not changing myself.”

Spencer looks at me and says, “Why are you unhappy? If God made you perfect, why are you trying to change how he made you.”

“Bud, God did not make me fat. I did that all myself, so I need to change that too.”

“Mom, your still perfect,” and he walks away. 

Sometimes we must be reminded that how we see ourselves is not how God sees us. We are his perfect creation with our flaws and all. 

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Barrier 2: Overwhelmed https://exhalepeace.org/barrier-2-overwhelmed/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=barrier-2-overwhelmed Tue, 12 Jul 2022 13:00:00 +0000 https://exhalepeace.org/?p=1587 Changing diet habits can be overwhelming. Trying to figure out how many calories you should be eating, what’s healthy and what’s not, and how to track it all can overwhelm anyone.

Solution– Don’t try to make too many changes to your diet at once. Instead, make small manageable changes that, if consistently applied, build new habits. Once you have mastered that, choose the next thing you wish to change. Smaller changes over time lead to more significant successes because it is easier to adhere to.

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Time https://exhalepeace.org/time/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=time Mon, 20 Jun 2022 16:38:00 +0000 https://exhalepeace.org/?p=1569

“Don’t love sleep, or you will become poor;
open your eyes, and you’ll have enough to eat.”
 (Proverbs 20:13 CSB)

We all have been given the gift of time, a chance to make something great of ourselves. To impact and influence the lives of people around us. Yet many of us want to complain, “we don’t have time.”

Time is short; it does not stand still or wait for anyone. It is fluid, always moving, and quickly filled with obstacles, opportunities, and obligations. It is up to us to navigate these things and execute them without excuses.

You want to lose weight but “don’t have time” to exercise. Make the time.

You want to spend more time with the children, but your to-do list never ends. Put it down; make the time. (they are only around for a season)

You want to start a business, write a book, or return to school. Make the time.

Again, time is fluid. You can fill it with the things most important to you and say NO to the things distracting you from your purpose. The outcomes are your responsibility, so take ownership and manage your time.

I don’t have time to sit on the couch and watch TV. I have to move so I can lose 10lbs.

I don’t care how tired I am; I will watch a movie or play a game with the kids; these chores can wait until they go to bed.

I may not be able to attend school full time right now, but I can make room for one class.

Nothing happens by accident. No one achieves goals by hoping for more time and schedules to clear. So if there is something you want, and it’s driving you. If you feel it is part of your purpose or evolution of growth, you must make the time.

Wake up e little earlier, go to bed a little later, and manage the time you were given. Say no to the things that pull away from your goals and focus on what is most important.

Never use time as an excuse to stay complacent. Complacency never breeds greatness, only weakness. Complacency is the difference between settling in life or achieving excellence. We were all given the same amount of time. The question is, what are you doing with the life you were given?

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She’s Not Perfect https://exhalepeace.org/shes-not-perfect/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=shes-not-perfect Mon, 13 Jun 2022 14:30:00 +0000 https://exhalepeace.org/?p=1559

She’s not perfect. She will fall, fail, cry, and get frustrated.

She’s not perfect. She will make mistakes and doubt her abilities.

She’s not perfect. Though she seems to have it all together.

She’s not perfect. So stop comparing your life to hers.

The difference between failing and failure is that when we fail at something, we try and did not succeed. Failure means we accepted failing and gave up.

Motherhood has no room for failures. We all fall short, so learn from the shortcomings and grow from them. In every “failure,” there is an opportunity to grow and show.

Grow from the mistake and show your children how to come back and succeed.

Show your children you are not perfect but will consistently love them, challenge them and grow them.

Show your children perseverance instead of trying to be someone else’s ideal. 

Focus on the woman God created you to be because she is not perfect.

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Champion https://exhalepeace.org/champion/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=champion Mon, 06 Jun 2022 14:23:00 +0000 https://exhalepeace.org/?p=1553

Competition brings out two types of people. Ones that are driven by ambition and the ones that make excuses. Which person are you?

With competitive sports, competition is designed for one purpose, to determine the best. To be the best, you must be willing to work. This means being willing to work harder than your opponent. So train harder, play harder and do what it takes to stay on top of your game.

When competing, you must be ready to have self-discipline—shelving the things that will hinder you from achieving your goal. You must eat healthily, sleep right, train hard, and be motivated to greatness on and off the court.

Greatness is not developed at the competition but rather in the process before you arrive. Elevation at work does not happen by accident; it happens by being intentional. By exercising the disciplines, others are not willing to exercise. Going in a little early, staying a little late, picking up the break room even when no one else is looking. And keep doing what it takes to get the job done with excellence.

To be a champion, you need to tap into your potential, Into your greatness, and stop sitting in the comforts of complacency or hiding behind the guard rails of fear.

Champions take risks. They sacrifice comfort for discipline. No to the extra fries or sugary drinks. No, to the late nights hanging out, They spend hours training and studying their opponents. They are dedicated to one goal. Prove they are a force to be reckoned with….the best.

To champion life, you need to act like a champion. Don’t talk about your goals; be about them. Don’t wait for the opportunity; take it. Don’t make excuses as to why you failed. Instead, learn from the failure and GET BACK UP; keep trying. A champion follows through; a champion never quits, a champion perseveres, and a champion doesn’t plan to win; they WIN!

Competition brings out two types of people. Ones that are driven by ambition and the ones that make excuses. Which person are you?

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Addiction, Sobriety, Motherhood, and Life. https://exhalepeace.org/addiction-sobriety-motherhood-and-life/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=addiction-sobriety-motherhood-and-life Tue, 31 May 2022 14:20:00 +0000 https://exhalepeace.org/?p=1547

Her poor choices left her broken, a slave to drugs, alcohol, and abuse. The shame written on her face gives her away as she walks threw the church door (I am not worthy). Is she not worth the time because of her past? Should she not have a second chance to live in freedom from the demons that torment her. Do we know how she was abused as a child? How she lost her marriage or children because of her addiction? Can we imagine the regret that plagues her daily? Or the strife and pain each time she passes out high and wakes up sober, wishing she had died?

How about the one who has a shopping addiction? Soothing her troubled heart with a credit card yet is buried under mountains of debt. Is she somehow different?

NO, both women will do the walk of shame; both women have hidden the pains of life with something that numbs it even for a moment, regardless of the consequences.   

Addiction sucks (no matter the type). Sobriety is not easy(it comes at a cost), and motherhood and life will never be easy(but we need to be strong). 

But there is freedom, and there is hope.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
    he delivered me from all my fears.
 Those who look to him are radiant;
    their faces are never covered with shame.
This poor man called, and the Lord heard him;
    he saved him out of all his troubles.” Psalm 34:4-6

If the Lord heard the poor man, if he answered the cries of David and delivered him of his fears, will he not do it for us…or them?

Depression is real no matter how much we try to conceal it. However, when a traitor of our hope discretely slides into our lives, it becomes a wrecking ball on our emotions. It clouds our vision and, if left unchecked, hinders our judgment.

We don’t need to hide it, nor do we need to bow in shame at our inability to stay positive amid a trying time. But we do need to acknowledge it; we need to do is reach up and out.   Get on our hands and knees and pray that God will release us from this place. Call out like the Psalms says he will hear us. And if the strife is more than we can bear alone, and we are in danger of falling back into old patterns that can lead to addictions, it’s time to tell a mentor, trusted leader, someone who can stand in the gaps with us to pray. Someone to hold us accountable and help us move forward as we break through the darkness.

If you ever see women walk through the church doors with shame and defeat written on their faces. Be the hands of God. Be the woman that offers encouragement instead of judgment. Connect her with the women that can help her rewrite the chapters of her life

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Breaking Walls https://exhalepeace.org/breaking-walls/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=breaking-walls Tue, 24 May 2022 14:03:00 +0000 https://exhalepeace.org/?p=1536

Above all, my brothers and sisters, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or with any other oath. But let your “yes” mean “yes,” and your “no” mean “no,” so that you won’t fall under judgment.”- James 5:12

Have you ever heard someone complaining about their workload because they took on extra work in the office? Or maybe complain because they offered to watch someone’s kids for a few hours when they did not want to. If you asked them why they offered to do something they didn’t want to do, the answer is usually one of these two “They needed my help, and I didn’t want to let them down.” Or “they had none else to do it.” Both answers are equally as wrong. If they said no, the person asking would find someone else, and if not, they would have to do it themselves or face the consequence. But instead, they find someone willing to save the day for them and overextend their calendars.

This is a classic sign of unestablished boundaries. If we don’t want to feel taken advantage of or judged for grumbling and complaining, let our yes be yes and no be no. Setting boundaries protect us from being taken advantage of, establishes respect, and prevents unnecessary stress or anxiety. 

            Living with healthy boundaries means we won’t compromise our values for someone else’s. Instead, we understand and apply safeguard on what we value most and respect others the same. Healthy boundaries also mean we are not afraid to say “no” when necessary, nor get offended if another tells us no.

However, there is a flip side. Our boundaries can also become walls. Do you know the difference?

When we hide behind walls under the illusion of boundaries, it may look like this

“I’m just a private person” while we avoid building new relationships. “sorry, it’s been a while since we have connected; I’ve just been busy.” As we keep a safe distance from too many “friends .” We build walls of isolation, refusing to ask for help and maintaining a safe distance to prevent rejection. After a while, we realize that we have created a fortress of excuses to keep ourselves from being hurt. 

In our attempt to protect ourselves, We have hardened our hearts, fractured our spirits, and become lonely or bitter, wondering if we matter to anyone. We can often replay past hurts and justify our “boundaries,” but it all stems from pain and unforgiveness when we get to the root. One of the hardest things we must do is practice regular forgiveness. The Bible tells us to love our neighbor, and if we are hiding behind walls, we can’t do that. Nor did we ever forgive them for past hurts, leaving us captive to past pains and bitter hearts.

The good news is that no matter how big our walls are, God is with us. He is only a whisper away, waiting to take the walls down. However, that requires us to trust the Lord.

 Ezekiel 36:26  states, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”

Suppose you are tired of living behind walls; it’s time to invite God into those broken places and let him restore your heart. It’s time to take a chance with people and practice healthy boundaries but be ready to forgive should someone cross the line (and they will).

Establishing healthy boundaries and trusting God will make things right when we’ve been wronged and allow us to live freely

 

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