Grieving is a painful and personal process. It is not like baking a cake; there is no time frame in which to expect your “done” and “over it” (regardless of what well-intended friends may think or say.)

The day my father passed, something inside me snapped. All colors faded from my life. The breath from my lungs had vanished, and I was left feeling empty, hollow, like a piece of me died with him.  

I remember the social worker explaining there were seven stages of grief: 

1. Shock and denial. This is a state of disbelief and numbed feelings. 
2. Pain and guilt (I spent most days here)
3. Anger and bargaining (and here)
4. Depression (and Here)
5. The upward turn
6. Reconstruction and working through
7. Acceptance and hope

My emotions were all over the place. On any given day, I felt like I could snap. Some days are worse than others. I knew my father was in heaven; he was a godly man. So, when people would encourage me in truth and love, I would instantly go to stage 3. Angry that the world could still turn though he is gone. Expect me to move on like just another day, but for me, it wasn’t.  

And that’s was ok. Why? Because scripture says:

“To everything, there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:

 A time to be born, And a time to die; A time to plant,
And a time to pluck what is planted; A time to kill, And a time to heal; 

A time to break down, And a time to build up; A time to weep, And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, And a time to dance;”– Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 (NKJV)

Mourning is natural, and yes, even as believers, we can be in tremendous amounts of grief and pain. That doesn’t mean we lack faith. However, it means we are hurt and broken, and in that brokenness, we need God the most.

I miss my father terribly, but I chose to hope at the end of my brokenness. The hope that my father in heaven would heal my broken heart and make me whole. And that the hand of God continues to guide me through the healing process. And though it has not been easy,  my heart heals a little more each day.

If you are in a place of grieving, place your hope and trust  In the Lord. Allow Him to carry you through the process. Know that people are praying for you, and you’re not alone. In time healing will begin.