Secret

As a young girl raised in a broken home, I remember hating when my siblings would leave to their father’s house on weekends.  I remember hating that my biological father wanted nothing to do with me. Although the man I call dad raised me as his own, I still felt the sting of rejection, knowing the man that should have been my father could disregard me like an object.

As a result of my pain, I swore I would never get divorced or have a broken home. I held on to the fantasy that you could have a happily ever after.  That marriage could be forever, and I would find out how. 

At age twenty, I became a single mother failing at the promise I made myself of not having a broken home but was thankful for God’s grace. During that season, I could see marriage from a very different perspective. I watched in awe of the banter and love I frequently saw between my ex-in-laws. I remember wondering, “what is the secret to such a successful marriage?” How were they so happy and in love. It made no sense to me.  They have six children, demanding jobs, and yet anytime I saw them, they showed an ungodly amount of love for each other.  

If they disagreed, there was a look and a tone given that usually ended them going somewhere private to work it out and come back like nothing ever happened. I thought marriage like that was a fairytale; however, I saw how real it was.  That was the type of marriage I wanted. And I wanted to know the secret. I am glad to say this inspiring couple is still happily married and as cute as ever after forty-four years.  I also learned the secret that kept their marriage and will continue to keep their marriage.

Ephesians 4:2-3 states:

 ^“with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”

Now I know this scripture is for unity in the church body.  But we can apply it in marriage as well. When you say, “I do,” It’s no longer about you but about serving and loving each other.  That means we need to show each other a level of humility, respect, patience, and of course, love. The same way God loves us.  Will we fail? Sure, we will have bad days.  We may lose our temper or not be so loving or respectful to our spouse.  However, this is where humility comes in.  We need to make it a priority to go to each other and forgive each other for shortcomings and work things out. A solid, successful marriage is built, tried, and tested. The building takes time and patience but, in the end, worth all the sacrifice.