Part of My Circle

Part of My Circle.

Insecurities come in many different forms.  But the bottom line is that it is a deep-rooted fear we have whether rational or irrational it hinders our ability to see a circumstance Infront of us clearly. We see that circumstance through the lenses of fear.

This is especially true in marriage. In marriage we are vulnerable to the person we said I do to.  They know all the good, bad, and ugly about us. We feel safe, loved, adored, and I’m sure at times irritated and annoyed with our spouse. But the bottom line is when we said “I do” It was forever.  That means through good, bad, perfect and imperfect times.

A few months ago, my husband Matt revealed to me that he was struggling with my recent weightless changes.  He loved my newfound confidence, and wardrobe and body changes.  However, he could not get past the fact other men would also notice me. It bothered him…a lot. I assured him that I only had eyes for him.  I never gave him reason to believe otherwise however, felt I needed to prove my loyalty.  This caused a lot of tension. Finally, he said to me “this is something I need to get over…It’s not you, it’s me and my insecurities”.

“About time he sees it” I thought.  Yet my heart was unsettled

Over lunch I brought the concerns up to my mom and as usual wisdom was shared.

“Julie, as you continue to better yourself, picking-up new hobbies your circle will change.  You begin to change… (not always bad) but what you enjoy will change.  His circle has not changed so how he feels is valid. He does not want to lose you because he no longer feels he knows you.”

I left lunch with new eyes.  I didn’t want to feed the fear that was brewing in my husband’s heart. In order for us to grow old together we need to grow together. Driving home I asked God what that looked like for us. Before I even made it to my driveway, I had the answer. Make him part of my circle.

Later that evening over dinner I said. 

“babe. would you be interested in going to the gym with me?” Shocked at the question he asked why. 

My response

“I want you to be a part of my circle.  I don’t want us to grow apart because I didn’t include you in my interest.  If you don’t want to, it’s ok.  I just want you to know you have the option to share in my interest. I never want you to feel like I prefer to do life without you.”

That was it.  That was the start of killing the insecurities.  Simply being willing to listen, communicate, understand, and grow together can only cause you to become closer and not divided. 

My challenge to you is share your insecurities with your spouse. If you don’t have any, ask your spouse if they are struggling with any insecurities? Be ready for the answer…Listen without judgement, try to understand, talk it out, seek God’s face, and take action toward the solution. Your marriage can only grow stronger as you grow together.